


Bonded

by TenSpencerRiedPlease



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, BAMF James T. Kirk, Fluff and Humor, Jealous Spock (Star Trek), Kid Fic, M/M, Possessive Spock (Star Trek), Protective Spock (Star Trek), T'hy'la
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-08
Updated: 2020-05-08
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:20:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 35,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24080482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TenSpencerRiedPlease/pseuds/TenSpencerRiedPlease
Summary: Jim hates Vulcan but he’s stuck here while his mom works. When that’ll be up he doesn’t know, but that means Vulcan school and of course Vulcan schools involve a whole big pile of Vulcans.
Relationships: James T. Kirk/Spock
Comments: 43
Kudos: 794
Collections: A Labyrinth of Fics





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Well, its been ages since I posted something and this is the first time I've attempted anything in this fandom. But uh, have whatever this ended up!

_7_

Jim hates Vulcan but he’s stuck here while his mom works. When that’ll be up he doesn’t know, but that means Vulcan school and of course Vulcan schools involve a whole big pile of Vulcans. Jim finds them stuck up and rude for a species known for logic and stoicism and every time one gets mad at him for being ‘illogical’ Jim wants to yell that anger is an emotion. But he doesn’t because he’s been told to behave and his mother never fails to remind him of his father, the hero. Sometimes Jim hates him but mostly he’s sad he never got to meet his father. He’s sure Vulcans would find missing a person he’s never met to be illogical.

He’s thinking of that while they all climb out of what Jim calls shame dents in the floor. It’s for individual privacy and help with meditation and Jim hates meditation more than Vulcans. He hates staying still for so long and it’s impossible to clear his mind like the other Vulcan children do. None of those annoying bastards seem to have trouble either and that annoys him. The day is over though so he’s looking forward to going home and relaxing when he notices the crowd. Never good with Vulcans so Jim creeps closer, curious.

The other kids surround Spock, Jim knows him because everyone knows about the human Vulcan hybrid not that Jim has ever thought anything of it. “-35th time you have attempted to elicit an emotional response from me,” Spock says, voice even and flat like all Vulcans. He doesn’t look the least bit offended and maybe that’s why he steps closer or maybe it’s because he can sense Spock’s unease. He always feels it when he climbs out of his stupid shame dent only to find Spock surrounded. Spock never reacts though, and like most bullies the other Vulcan children go away when they get bored.

This time it goes differently. “You are neither human nor Vulcan, you are an aberration thanks to your mother,” the Vulcan standing across from Spock says matter of factly. Jim senses it more than anything, the sharp spike of anger from Spock, senses the way his fists clench as he quickly considers the pros and cons of reacting when that’s only make this worse. It doesn’t occur to him that he shouldn’t know that, that it should be _impossible_ to know that when he’s never even talked to Spock. For a moment he feels Spock what Spock does so strongly that he acts.

Jim doesn’t even think as he tackles the Vulcan down, rolling them both into someone’s usual learning space. Jim can’t remember who usually occupies this dent and it isn’t on his mind either because Vulcans turn out to be _strong_.

*

Spock drags the blonde haired human off of Stonn, his current bully, as he gasps harshly for breath. Stonn looks fully alarmed, all pretenses of logic lost and Spock knows he shouldn’t feel a sense of superiority as it’s not logical- or moral, if he is to take a more human look at things, to feel this way. But he has knowledge Stonn does not because he knows human anatomy. Spock knows Jim has only had the wind knocked out of him as he gently feels Jim’s abdomen. Nothing feels out of place so that partially confirms his theory even if Jim’s gulping for air looks more serious than it is.

“Vulcans are three times stronger than humans and you are a child without full control of your body like adult Vulcans. It is most illogical to hit a human when you cannot properly gauge the strength with which you have hit him let alone determine what damage may come of it,” Spock says in an even but slightly chiding tone.

“I agree. Spock, is Mr. Kirk damaged seriously?” their teacher asks, conveniently appearing now. Spock has noticed that at he usually leaves the room for several minutes as they all gather their belongings. It has occurred to him, with the number of times he’s been caught in a fight and punished for it that perhaps his disappearance is intentional, as if he wants to catch Spock in a tussle. But he has dismissed such thoughts as illogical and paranoid. The world does not revolve around him.

“I do not believe so,” Spock replies.

He gets a small nod, “bring him to the infirmary then. Stonn, with me.”

Once again Spock shouldn’t feel a sense of superiority but he does. He’s certain his feelings don’t reach his face but they may have touched his eyes because Stonn glares at him unabashedly. He’s been told his eyes are quite human before.

The blonde human coughs at his feet and Spock’s attention is drawn to him. “Why did you do that?” he asks as he picks the human up easily. He wiggles until his feet are under him, still having some trouble breathing. Humans are stubborn, Spock knows this so he isn’t surprised by his actions.

“He’s a dick,” the blonde says, leaning into Spock. That is most unusual even considering his condition but Spock allows it. “Also I’m Jim,” he adds like that is necessary information. Spock doesn’t introduce himself because it is illogical, an exchange of names is not needed to bring Jim to the infirmary. That and he suspects Jim knows who he is through his infamy. It sometimes feels as if everyone on Vulcan knows who he is regardless of having met him before. He finds the level of judgement unpleasant but both of his parents seem to think he will grow out of that. He isn’t so sure.

Spock refocuses on the task at hand. “I don’t understand your reasoning,” he says as he pulls Jim up. Jim lets him do most of the work and Spock allows it even though he knows Jim doesn’t need to rely on him this much, not at the moment anyway. His adrenaline levels are probably high enough at the moment that he won’t notice the pain of the nasty bruise he is sure to have until later. Jim doesn’t pull himself from Spock’s personal space once they begin walking away either. Spock finds this odd too, but says nothing.

“You know, an asshole,” Jim says.

Spock still has no idea what he’s talking about. “What do human body parts have to do with this?” he asks.

Jim rolls his eyes. “Fucking Vulcans,” he mumbles under his breath. Spock feels a small bit of pride at that, being called a Vulcan, before he realizes it came from a human. A human will never be able to give a true validation of his ability to be Vulcan, they’re too emotional. “Like a bastard,” he says. “And for the record Vulcans have assholes too, everyone needs to shit.”

“There is no need to be vulgar. And I assure you Stonn knows his father. He reminds me of how superior he is to my father every chance he gets,” Spock mumbles.

“That’s what I mean, he’s an asshole.” Spock stares at him blankly and Jim huffs. “A bully,” Jim says finally. “He’s a bully.”

“Ah. Well, there was no need to say a lot of words that weren’t that one to properly convey your meaning,” Spock tells him.

“God, you Vulcans are so weird. I’m probably fine so we can skip the whole infirmary thing,” Jim says.

“Absolutely not,” Spock tells him, a flash of worry crossing his mind for no logical reason. He does not know Jim therefore it is illogical to care about his safety. Arguably it is illogical to care about anyone’s safety but he finds that fear stubborn to rid himself of. But there should be no worry now, when he is sure Jim is fine.

“Oh come on,” Jim whines. Spock has no idea it will become a common phrase from Jim at the time, or that most of the time he’ll give in to Jim’s demands. At the time all he has is his righteous upset at the possibility that he missed something and Jim is hurt.

“No. You will come along.”

“Ugh, fine. Can you at least tell me your name?” Jim asks as Spock drags him along.

He frowns at Jim just a little. “Do you not know who I am?” he asks, genuinely curious.

“Obviously I know who you are, but you didn’t introduce yourself,” Jim says.

Must be a human thing, Spock thinks, because introductions weren’t necessary. “If you know my name it is illogical to ask for my name,” he points out.

“Well maybe I wanted to hear it from you. Come on, don’t be all like… Vulcan-y,” Jim tells him, distaste high on his tongue.

It’s the first time Spock has ever had his Vulcan heritage insulted and he finds he is not offended by it. Jim simply doesn’t understand Vulcans, why would he when his nature is so different? He sighs nonetheless. “My name is Spock,” he tells Jim.

_7.5_

Jim doesn’t _get_ weird Vulcan traditions. Spock has his nose in the air while he explains it, acting like one of his classmates but Jim doesn’t tell him that. “Its just what we _do_ ,” he says finally, taking annoyance with Jim’s lack of understanding.

“But _why_ though? And don’t tell me its based on mental compatibility because we’re seven, how does _anyone_ know who we’re going to be mentally compatible with when we’re adults? That’s dumb,” he says because it _is_. What are Vulcans on, deciding to just pair off random Vulcan children with each other. Jim knows humans have done that too, but the practice is almost nonexistent on Earth now, and it just feels… _wrong_ to him. What’s wrong with the old fashioned way of finding someone you’re compatible with yourself? Jim thinks that’s the better way.

Spock looks pinched, “the bonds help keep us stable,” he says and Jim frowns.

“What do you mean ‘stable?’ You look stable to me,” Jim says.

Spock shakes his head, “no, not like that. Well, kind of like that. Vulcans have a low level of telepathy, you know that, but those bonds help keep us grounded. We have them with our family members too.” He pauses and Jim senses there’s more so he pounces on it and Spock- literally.

“But what else? I know you aren’t telling me stuff,” he says, shaking Spock’s shoulders.

Spock looks mildly alarmed as pries Jim off of him not that it takes much effort, Vulcan strength and all that. Jim thinks its kind of cool that Spock can just _do_ that but doesn’t care for the downside that _all_ Vulcans can do that. Spock gathers himself and fixes Jim with a hard to read look. “You are _insatiable_ ,” he says.

“Tell me what I’m missing,” he tells Spock, reaching out and shaking his shoulders again. Spock pulls his hands off of him again and sighs, which means he’s giving in and Jim smiles wide, excited that he’s broken through.

“Its also… its how…” Spock looks a bit like he’s swallowed a lemon as he tries to explain but words seem to fail him.

A small laugh from the door draws their attention and they turn to find Amanda there looking in at them, amused. Jim thinks its funny that Spock thought his mom was all emotional and stuff until he met other humans. Jim happens to know that Amanda is pretty level headed, actually, and he kind of likes that about her. That, and she’s always there for Spock and not just because she loves his dad a lot. Not that she doesn’t love his dad, Jim doesn’t get why because _ugh_ , Vulcan, but she loves Spock for _Spock_. He’s not sure his mom loves him because he’s _him_ or because he’s like his dad.

“Its their secret to showing emotions, through their bonds. They can act as cold as they want to everyone else, but we know the difference,” she says, walking over to Spock and ruffling his hair. He gives her what passes as an annoyed look for a Vulcan and flattens it back out.

“Or you could just say it out loud,” Jim mumbles. “Why do Vulcans hate using their words so much?”

“We use our words fine Jim, we just don’t let emotions rule our lives like humans do,” Spock tells him, nose back in the air. Amanda shifts slightly and Jim knows she doesn’t like when Spock talks like that, but she never says anything either.

“Well at least we aren’t a bunch of jackasses like Vulcans,” Jim says, earning a sharp snort out of Amanda.

“Language,” she tells him with no real heat behind it.

“That’s rude,” Spock tells him.

“So’s acting like Vulcans are better than humans. I think that using words to describe emotions is better than pretending they don’t exist except through weird bonds that marry you off at seven,” Jim says, arms crossed over his chest.

“Its not _marriage_ Jim, she’s just my bond mate,” Spock tells him. Amanda gives him a funny look so Jim knows that’s a weird thing to say, but he doesn’t know enough to know why that’s a weird thing to say.

*

Jim hates T’Pring. There’s probably nothing wrong with her technically but he hates her and he has a strong urge to push her over but she’s a Vulcan and he’s a human so he probably won’t be very successful. Spock doesn’t like her either, he can see it _and_ sense it. He can also sense that Spock is trying to find some kind of thing in common with her and that kind of makes him mad. He doesn’t get this whole bonding thing anyway and Spock shouldn’t get stuck with someone he hates for the rest of his life, how’s that fair _or_ logical?

Amanda stands next to him watching as Spock and T’Pring stand next to each other not speaking or even acknowledging each other. “I thought they were supposed to be compatible?” he asks, looking up at her.

“I trust that Sarek has his reasons,” she says but she looks like she’s doubting his choices and she _should_. Jim thinks that the only good thing about this is that T’Pring is pretty. Her features are softer than most, so it makes her awful haircut and stupid Vulcan eyebrows look okay. And the fact that she’s got blue eyes is unusual for Vulcans so that might be a plus, he doesn’t know how Vulcans work when it comes to finding people pretty. He suspects they wouldn’t know what pretty looked like if it bit them in the ass but that’s just him.

They go back to watching Spock and T’Pring and its like the most boring show ever. Jim doesn’t think this whole bond thing will work out very well but he figures he’ll leave that for the Vulcans to figure out. Amanda looks worried too but Jim has learned that she doesn’t often fight Sarek on his choices even if he thinks that she should. Everything is always the Vulcan way and Spock’s got human in him too, so why does he have to ignore it so much? Jim thinks its _illogical_ to expect someone who’s only a half Vulcan to act like a full Vulcan- Spock should get to do human _and_ Vulcan things because he’s both. But he knows how much Vulcans hate humans so he figures maybe that’s why Amanda doesn’t say anything.

“They appear to be getting along,” Sarek says, walking up to them from behind. Jim ignores him because he doesn’t like Sarek and he’s sure Sarek doesn’t like him either.

“Yeah, they sure are standing next to each other,” Jim mumbles mostly to himself but Vulcans have good hearing so he knows Sarek heard it too. Amanda covers her mouth but Jim can see the smile there.

“Are you sure about this? Jim makes a point,” Amanda says gently. Jim thinks maybe she should just be more forceful and Sarek will stop acting like Spock isn’t part human. Or that he married a human. When Jim gets older he’ll never marry someone who tries to force him to act like something he’s not just because the person he’s with doesn’t like what he is. He’ll marry someone who loves him because of what he is, not in spite of it.

“The bond will help,” Sarek says.

“That’s a no,” Jim mumbles.

“Do not speak on matters you know nothing of, child,” Sarek tells him, giving him what passes as a glare on Vulcan. Jim knows because he’s _really_ good at making Vulcans mad. He’s pretty good at making everyone mad and its kind of fun to do.

“Then you might want to find someone new for Spock because you clearly don’t know enough about him to pick out someone he actually likes,” Jim tells him.

Amanda, he’s sure, probably saves him when she puts a hand on Sarek’s arm. “He’s a child Sarek, don’t let him get a rise out of you,” she says. Sarek gives him one final distasteful look before he must decide Amanda is right and he walks away towards T’Pring and Spock. “Jealous, Jim?” Amanda asks him, raising an eyebrow.

He crosses his arms over his chest, “no.”

*

Jim doesn’t like that he has to pretend he’s not happy about Spock’s bonding thing with T’Pring going wrong. “What happened?” he asks maybe a little too innocently.

Spock shrugs, “we don’t know. T’Pau said my mind rejected T’Pring’s but I don’t know what that means,” he says, sulking with his head on his knees.

Good, T’Pring’s mind probably sucked but Jim doesn’t tell Spock that. Instead he leans in, pressing himself into Spock’s side. “Its not so bad, you get to be single until you’re eight,” Jim says, grinning.

Spock doesn’t look so amused but he does relax some. “What if my mind never accept the bond?” he asks softly.

Jim rolls his eyes, “its not the bond that’s the problem, or you. Its T’Pring. You just need to find someone that’s right for you, like humans do.”

He knows he’s going to get one of those displeased looks from Spock when he does so he’s not surprised. “Vulcans don’t do things the human way,” he says but at least he doesn’t stick his nose in the air like a total asshole.

“Your dad did it the human way so I don’t see the problem,” Jim says and he’s been saving that for a long time, Sarek’s weird actions. They don’t make sense and given how _logical_ Vulcans are he’d think that they would. But he married a human when he doesn’t even seem to like humans, where’s the logic in that?

Spock remains quiet for a long time. “That’s because his bond mate died,” Spock says softly but he doesn’t sound convinced.

“Cool, so if we kill of T’Pring you can marry me instead!” Jim says, letting most of his bodyweight fall onto Spock.

“We are not killing T’Pring Jim,” Spock tells him, shaking his head. Jim grins because its one of the rare, very rare, moments where Spock acts just a little human and he loves those moments with Spock more than all the other moments.

“Fine, we can find another way but marrying T’Pring is still dumb.”

Spock’s shoulders sag a little, “yes, marrying T’Pring is dumb,” he concedes. Jim wiggles around in excitement, happy that Spock has finally seen his side of things even if he doesn’t look prepared to give Jim any more than that. He’ll work on it, he’s gotten pretty good at getting Spock to do what he wants.

They sit for a long while, just enjoying each other’s presence before Spock talks again. “T’Pau says I have an unusually strong mind,” he says softly.

“Is that good?” Jim asks. Seems like a good thing to him anyway.

Spock shakes his head though. “Its not… its… complicated,” he mumbles finally.

“What’s that mean, a strong mind?”

“I don’t know, not yet. I haven’t really tried to do much with my telepathy but T’Pau thinks I might have a talent for it and that’s why my mind rejected T’Pring. She said she’s going to teach me.” Spock doesn’t sound convinced about this being good, but T’Pau is really important so Jim thinks he’s lucked out.

“Well I think that’s cool,” Jim tells him, smiling up at him.

_9_

Spock finds that Jim is, for lack of a better way to put it, absolutely stupid. There is no other explanation for why he would choose to torment a sehlat at any time let alone before she’s to be fed. “Jim!” Spock says, jaw clenching when the worry he feels slips into his tone of voice. Vulcans do not feel. “Leave I-Chaya alone and get out of there!” This time his words come out more even and Jim turns to him, looking away from the sehlat like that isn’t incredibly dangerous. Spock picks up his pace, cursing himself for ever talking to the human.

It’s bad enough that everyone has decided that he spends time with Jim because of his human heritage, but the fact that Jim has a death wish makes things worse. This isn’t even the first stupid thing Jim has done, and it may not even be the most dangerous. Considering how temperamental sehlats are that’s a feat, but Jim is nothing if not determined to test his survival instincts frequently, just to see if they’re still working. And to think he’d thought his mother emotional before he met Jim. As it turns out she’s quite reserved for a human. Even Jim’s mom is more emotional than her. Spock thinks feeling so strong all the time must be exhausting so he is glad that he’s not fully human.

“I’m fine!” Jim says as I-Chaya sniffs him. Spock makes an involuntary squeaking noise as he drags Jim out of biting range. “Relax Spock, she was just sniffing me.”

“Had I left you there your head would have been her meal, stay back,” Spock tells him. I-Chaya looks impatient and that’s never a good sign but she’s familiar with Spock so she’s likely gathered that food is coming.

Thankfully Jim follows his instructions as he feeds his pet, shaking his head at Jim’s rash behavior. He’s _awful_ for it and Spock is always getting him back out of the trouble he’s gotten himself into. By now he’s got a reputation as a troublemaker and Spock knows school officials have a hard time with it. They have a hard time with all offworlders as they don’t react like Vulcan children do. Jim thinks its funny to repeatedly give their teachers the most illogical reason he can think of for his actions just to fluster them further for his own amusement. Spock doesn’t find it at all amusing, but he has always liked it when Jim smiles and he smiles a _lot_ when he’s irritating their teachers.

“That doesn’t look that hard,” Jim says, taking the step he’d taken forward back again when Spock fixes him with a glare. He huffs, but stays where he is.

I-Chaya eats her food as Spock tends to the rest of her needs, ensuring that he’s never directly behind her and that none of his movements are sudden or unpredictable. Sehlats are often unpredictable if their handlers don’t act correctly around them. He knows his mother doesn’t like the sehlat, but she was his father’s when he was a boy and he’d insisted she’d help with Spock’s control over himself. Lots of Vulcan children have them as they are a good way to master proper control over oneself lest they get eaten if they don’t. He suspects that’s why his mother dislikes I-Chaya but, like almost always, she’d let his father have his way even though she doesn’t like it. The reaction is most illogical to him, and Jim’s explanation of doing things because of love was not enlightening perhaps because it’d been obvious that Jim didn’t believe it either.

“Jim, you are lucky I-Chaya didn’t eat you. You _are_ aware of the danger of sehlats, are you not? You’ve been on Vulcan long enough,” Spock tells him, glancing at him over his shoulder. He watches I-Chaya out of the corner of his eye but she’s still occupied with her food.

“Yeah, but that one is domesticated,” Jim says like that reduces the danger of the sehlat.

“They’re still highly unpredictable,” Spock tells him.

“Then why do Vulcans give them to kids? That’s pretty illogical, giving your kid a pet that can eat them,” Jim says, nose in the air like he’s pointed out an inconsistency in Vulcan logic when he has not.

“Jim, the point of a sehlat is for Vulcan children to learn proper control over themselves as the sehlat will react badly if we all act as impulsively as you,” he says. “The logic is sound.”

“The logic is dumb, if you mess up one time the sehlat will eat you if they’re as dangerous as you say. Vulcans are seriously risking their kids getting maimed for some self control?” Jim asks, frowning. He looks like he’s thinking really hard about it too not that Spock expects Jim to understand. Often times he doesn’t, probably because his emotional nature was never meant to mix with Vulcan tradition.

“That is precisely the _point_ , Jim. A sehlat teaches us that even a momentary slip can result in catastrophe, therefore we do not slip. Do humans not have pets?” he asks, confused.

“Not ones that’ll eat us, Spock. What the _fuck_?” Spock turns around and allows himself to roll his eyes just this one time because Jim is ridiculous, he’s always ridiculous but this time he’s being extra ridiculous. “Can you even pet a sehlat? What’s the point in having a pet if you can’t pet it?” Jim asks him.

“You can pet a sehlat- not you specifically stand back,” Spock tells him quickly. “I don’t want to explain your death to either of our mothers, they would react badly,” he says. Jim doesn’t think his mom loves him but Spock knows that she doesn’t feel neutral towards him. She doesn’t react like his mom does to him, but she doesn’t act like his father either. She cares, just maybe not the way Jim wants her to. And he dreads to think of the fight that would break out between his parents if I-Chaya ate Jim.

Plus, and he would never admit this to Jim or anyone else, he would not be happy if Jim got eaten. He’s not certain how he would handle Jim’s death, but he knows he would have a hard time with keeping his Vulcan calm. Thankfully Jim doesn’t choose to test his limits further and mostly watches Spock clean up I-Chaya’s space. As soon as Spock leaves the sehlat’s designated space Jim all but throws himself at Spock, apparently not caring that he’s covered in dirt. “Lets go do something stupid,” he says, trying and failing to drag Spock to the ground.

“Jim, you spent the entire day tormenting that new Orion girl, have you not done enough stupid things for the day?” he asks. Gaila looked ready to murder Jim by the end of the day but Jim seemed to find her annoyance amusing. He won’t when she loses her patience, but Spock figures he’ll leave Jim to learn his lesson. Perhaps Gaila will be Jim’s sehlat.

_12_

Jim doesn’t remember when he met Bones, and he definitely doesn’t remember why he nicknamed him that. But he _does_ know that they’ve known each other for basically forever and he’s grown fond of Bones over the years. He’s probably the only one Jim has met, besides Spock and the other Vulcans, that doesn’t immediately see his father. Even his mom doesn’t see past his looks most days and he _hates_ that, hates being reminded that he’s George fucking Kirk’s son every time he’s anywhere near Starfleet related anything.

But Bones never treats him like a hero’s son, he just treats Jim like Jim and he’s grown used to Spock even if he dislikes Vulcans as much as Jim does. Spock looks over the chess board, uncaring that Jim is leaning into his space. He used to stiffen up when they were younger but he’s used to it now, and when he thinks Jim is asleep sometimes he’ll cuddle up to him too. Jim thinks its adorable, the way Spock will occasionally let his Vulcan training fall to the side a little just to curl up next to him.

He makes a move and Bones lets out a loud snort, “you cheating little shit,” he says, but without malice. “There’s no way you just beat me in a chess game, I’m the best there is in my dorm!”

“Then your dorm has no Vulcans in it,” Spock says. Bones mumbles something about Vulcan superiority complexes under his breath but Spock is right. Vulcans are _good_ at chess, Jim has seen it.

“You, I’m sure I could beat you in a game,” Bones tells him, giving him what passes as a smile on Bones’ grumpy face. Jim doesn’t know why he’s always in a bad mood, its just something he’s learned to accept about him.

Jim grins and plops himself into Spock’s lap, surprising both Spock and Bones. “Distracted already? Not good, Bones,” Jim tells him, snickering. Underneath him Spock relaxes slightly and wraps his arms around Jim’s waist, settling his chin on Jim’s shoulder. He’s sure he’s got some logical explanation for it but Jim has learned with Vulcans they just cover their emotional desire with some kind of ‘logical’ explanation. Don’t feel things his ass, he’s seen Vulcans lose their emotional shit enough times to know that they definitely feel, they just don’t like to admit it.

But Bones doesn’t know that about Vulcans so he looks surprised with Spock’s actions. “And here I thought Vulcans were a bunch of prudish assholes. Allow me to adjust my opinion,” Bones says, lips tilted up a bit.

“I can assure you, Vulcans are not prudes,” Spock tells him.

“Its true, Vulcans are freaky as hell! I read this Vulcan anatomy text book and-”

“Jim!” Spock tells him, offended on his species behalf and he can claim that Vulcans are logical all he wants but the weird way they avoid talking about _pon farr_ tells Jim otherwise.

“Relax kid, I know all about freaky Vulcan biology. God damn Vulcans and their _prudish_ nature. Would have been nice to know about _pon farr_ and _plak tow_ _before_ a Vulcan nearly killed a bunch of people on a Starfleet research ship because the damn guy was too far into _pon farr_ to do a whole hell of a lot about it let alone explain what the hell was happening. Could have done without all the stuffy Vulcan cultural training lessons that went with it though,” he mumbles.

Jim can feel Spock’s surprise more than he sees it given that he can’t see Spock’s face at the moment. “He’s a doctor, remember?” he says in an attempt to solve Spock’s confusion.

“In training,” Spock corrects.

“Still have to know all the weird shit various species do, kid,” Bones says.

“There is nothing one can do about _pon farr_ , so it is illogical to tell outworlders about it,” Spock says primly, nose in the air. Jim misses the feeling of Spock’s head settled on his shoulder.

“Did you miss the Vulcan nearly killing a bunch of people on a ship in the middle of space? They were there to study plants but no, instead they ended up avoiding angry horny Vulcans. Pretty sure we’ve all got good reason to know about it,” Bones says. “At least so we stick bonded pairs on ships together or plan around a Vulcan’s _pon farr_ when finding researchers or whatever. Its not like we can just have a Vulcan kill a crew member to break _plak tow_ every time it happens,” he says, rolling his eyes.

“Is that what happened? On the ship?” Spock asks, voice surprisingly even for someone who really wants to know how that ended. Jim is amazed at how well Spock can hide his emotions even when he’s feeling them strongly.

“Nah, someone made a holo of his mate or some shit like that. It worked, barely, but that’s not really what people gave a shit about when they had a rampaging Vulcan on their hands.”

Spock frowns and Jim knows he’s doubtful of that explanation but he doesn’t say anything about it. “Jim is quite good at chess too, you know,” Spock says. “He often beats our classmates at games, much to their chagrin.”

Bones full on grins at that knowledge, “good for you, rub their faces in it,” he tells Jim. “But don’t think beating a bunch of Vulcan infants means you can beat me,”

“If I recall correctly a Vulcan infant just beat you in a game, so perhaps you are unwise to assume victory,” Spock tells Bones.

“When the hell did you teach him to trash talk?” Bones asks him, laughing.

“I didn’t, sometimes he’s just funny like that,” Jim tells him. It’s so cute, the only time Spock ever gets snappy is when someone insults Jim or his mom and he’s gotten good at making incredibly rude comments under the pretense of logic. People have mostly left him alone now, afraid of his cutting remarks that Jim finds often exposes an insecurity or two.

“Uh huh, sure. He’s going to regret his words when I kick your ass,” Bones tells him. Jim isn’t too worried though, and a half an hour later when Bones stares at his pieces fully at Jim’s mercy he sighs and knocks over his last men standing. “Yeah, okay. You two are freaks of nature and shouldn’t be counted as normal.”

“Humans are sore losers,” Spock says, arms tightening around Jim’s waist for a moment. He can feel that little twinge of pride though and Jim straightens up a little, happy under Spock’s praise even if he doesn’t say it out loud.

“Yeah, yeah. Get your stuff together, Winona is coming to get you both soon,” Bones tells them, shaking his head. He mumbles something under his breath about cheating but Jim ignores it.

“Can we come back tomorrow?” Jim asks hopefully, leaning forward a little out of Spock’s arms. It doesn’t last, Spock pulls him back in almost immediately with a small note of irritation that Jim moved away to begin with.

“You two gunna help me study for my Federation history exam?” Bones asks, snorting.

“I’m quite proficient in my knowledge of Federation history so I could be of assistance,” Spock tells him.

“I know stuff,” Jim adds. “Not as much as Spock probably, but I know stuff.”

“Don’t be absurd, Jim, you’re not far behind me in your studies and you’re well above most of the rest of the class. They all like to speak of Vulcan intelligence but its completely lost on most of them,” he mumbles. A high compliment from a Vulcan and from Spock specifically so Jim beams, happy that Spock thinks he’s smart.

Bones laughs, “yeah alright, you two can come back tomorrow but I actually have to study, I can’t go running around watching you get into shit while Spock tries to save your ass,” Bones tells him, giving him a _look_.

Jim grins, “we should watch a movie first!”

Bones sighs, “yeah, fine, we can watch a movie first,” he mumbles like he’s long suffering but he’s not, he genuinely cares about Jim. He knows that because Bones introduced him to his roommate as his little brother and also because Spock has pretty high telepathy abilities even among Vulcans and he’s said so too. All it takes for him to know is a touch. Too bad being _too_ gifted in telepathy is a bad thing for a Vulcan to be, otherwise Spock would have been able to rub all his asshole Vulcan schoolmate’s faces in the fact that he’s better at telepathy and melding. But no, the one thing he’s better at being a Vulcan in happens to be the one of two things Vulcans pretty much never speak about.

_14_

Gaila huffs, annoyed. Spock ignores her, used to her temperamental nature by now given that Jim has developed an obsession. “Vulcans are so boring,” she mumbles, arms crossed over her chest as she glares around the room.

“I’m sure I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Spock tells her when she turns to him expectantly. He’s learned with more emotional species like humans or Orions they often expect responses at the strangest of times.

Gaila sinks in her seat a little, “could have at least sent me to a planet where my pheromones get results,” she mumbles.

“Is that how you keep Jim close,” Spock states, not asks. There’s an edge of something in his voice but he can’t tell what it is.

“Oh unruffle your feathers, Spock, you’re in no danger of losing Jim. He hangs around thanks to my _natural_ charm,” she says, grinning at him.

“Hmm. I was unaware that you had any,” Spock tells her, ignoring the hurt look on her face as it isn’t his fault he finds her immensely irritating.

“Spock, don’t be rude,” Jim tells him. “I deal with T’Pring.”

“You do not _deal_ with T’Pring, you annoy her until she leaves my house,” Spock tells him. He’s good at it too so sometimes Spock uses it to his advantage. Usually involving his father. He loves him, and maybe somewhere in there he’s loved back, but he has his doubts. Jim though, he’s never seen anyone get under his father’s skin like Jim. He’s never seen anyone get under anyone’s skin like Jim, its like he forces the whole world to focus on him and go the way he wants it to, and mostly successfully. Spock finds his presence… fascinating. T’Pring thinks his friendship with Jim is unnatural and she’s entitled to that opinion though it does make Spock happy that they aren’t bonded, not truly. She’d probably have more concerned feelings than that if she felt how he truly feels about Jim.

“Look, its not my fault T’Pring is a buzzkill okay,” Jim says. “I’m just saving us both, its not like _you_ like her.”

He’s not wrong, he finds T’Pring grating and spoiled but he knows he has no logical reason to find her as grating as he does. Yes, she’s too used to getting everything she wants, and she’s often whiny when things don’t go her way but in comparison to Jim she’s quite pleasant in that regard. Jim manages to grind absolutely everything around him to a complete halt until he gets his way when _he_ throws a tantrum, and he’s a sore loser not that it happens often, and he’s got a bad habit of bragging when he’s good at something, not to mention he’s exceptional at reading body language and using it against people. Even Vulcans have learned to fear his abilities. A single glance the wrong way and suddenly Jim knows everything about some crush or cheating on a test or whatever it is that someone is insecure about on any given occasion.

So if he doesn’t care about all that with Jim it’s illogical that the two things he dislikes about T’Pring drive him to want to pluck out his eyes around her. He suspects she feels the same way, but she’s never said as much. Spock doesn’t often give credit to humans, but their propensity for just _stating_ that they don’t like someone is better than Vulcan attempts at mostly avoiding the problem to begin with. He wishes he could channel Bones’ grumpy nature and just tell T’Pring to go away but that’s not how Vulcans do things. Not with bond mates anyway.

“Who’s T’Pring?” Gaila asks, inserting herself back in his conversation with Jim. He knows he shouldn’t, but he gives her an irritated look that he knows she senses the meaning of. She’s been on Vulcan long enough to learn to read Vulcan body language too. Though he does think she’s better at it than Jim, which is saying something. But then Orions in general are skilled at reading body language, or at least the women are.

“Spock’s fiancé,” Jim says, wrinkling his nose.

“Oh right, Vulcan bond thingies. You’ve been bonded for like seven years though, aren’t the bonds supposed to make you like each other more?” she asks.

Jim asked similar questions a long time ago but it grates his nerves when Gaila does it. “None of your business,” he tells her, irritated.

Jim gives him a funny look and ignores him. “They’re supposed to but Spock’s mind kicked her out because she sucks,” he says, snickering.

Gaila frowns though, “I didn’t know Vulcans could just… reject potential bond mates.”

“They can’t, that’s why T’Pring is still around. T’Pau says it might be something to do with Spock being half human but I don’t think that’s true. I think Spock’s mind just knows T’Pring is the worst,” he says like he’s the lesser handful out of the two.

“Must suck to be attached to one person for your entire life,” Gaila says, wrinkling her nose.

Spock prickles and he has no logical reason as to why given that he doesn’t fully disagree with Gaila’s words. He has no problem spending the rest of his life with one person though he would strongly prefer it not be T’Pring. “I suppose I wouldn’t expect someone from a species as _loose_ as yours to understand,” he says, nose in the air.

“Spock!” Jim chides. “Jesus, that’s rude.”

“Whatever, its not like I’d expect some prude to understand the value of actually having skin to skin contact with someone,” she snaps, picking up her things and walking away. Jim calls out to her but she doesn’t turn around. Spock finds himself unreasonably pleased when Jim doesn’t get up to follow her though.

“What is _with_ you Spock? That was an asshole thing to say,” Jim tells him, frowning.

“You’ve said worse,” he points out.

“Yeah, not to Gaila. What’d she do to get on your bad side, and don’t claim nothing because you pretty much hate her. I can’t figure out why though, there’s no reason.”

Spock doesn’t answer because he has no reason aside from Jim having taken an unnatural liking to her. He suspects that Jim will not accept that reasoning as valid and he would be right to. Instead of answering he just ignores Jim, knowing this is one of the few times he can get away with not giving Jim information. Normally if he tries that Jim harasses him until he answers the question, but with personal matters Jim often leaves things alone.

*

Yeah, okay, Spock’s being weird but Jim doesn’t know if that’s because he’s Spock or because of something else. Gaila looks pissed about it though and Jim can’t say he blames her for that. “If you want to get back at him all his books are in alphabetical order in his locker. Fuck those up and he’ll lose his shit.”

Gaila looks up at him and snorts, “is it seriously that easy?”

He nods, “if you want maximum damage go through a couple and highlight random sections with a bunch of different colors. Spock has an information highlighting system that he uses to study and recall information so if you screw with his system he has to go resort it all.”

“Sounds like someone learned from experience,” she says, lips tipping up a little and he grins. Ha, doesn’t take much to cheer up an Orion. Well, at least not this one.

“Uh huh. Whined about it for weeks, it was hilarious.”

“What’d you get out of it?” Gaila asks, clearly familiar with how this works. He harasses the hell out of Spock, Spock refuses to answer his questions, he harasses Spock in increasingly more irritating ways, Spock tells him what he wants to know.

In this case, though, he’s going to keep his mouth shut about what he got out of it. “I got him to admit he doesn’t like T’Pring,” he says. Amanda had actually gotten that out of him but still, Gaila doesn’t need to know about Spock’s exceptional telepathy abilities. T’Pau already knows so he’s learning to control it from her. He’s pretty good at it too, or so Spock has been told by T’Pau. Jim knows she’s fond of him, more than she is of most others Jim sees her with but he also knows Spock doesn’t believe that. But Spock is convinced everyone hates him because he’s half human and he can’t even tell Spock that he’s wrong because he isn’t. Vulcans really are a bunch of assholes so there’s a strong bit of truth to that, but there are people who don’t care either not that Spock goes out of his way to find them.

“Does T’Pring have as much of a stick up her ass as Spock?” Gaila asks. “No offense.”

“Nah, he’s got a real bug up his ass about you and I don’t know why. T’Pring is the worst though,” he says, shaking his head. “She’s so boring.”

“More boring than the Teachings of Surak?” she asks and Jim snorts.

“Absolutely not, reading that shit makes me want to die.”

Gaila nods, “oh, _right_? And everyone else just soaks it all up! We should mutiny.”

*

Spock tells himself he doesn’t care that Jim goes off with Gaila, he tells himself he doesn’t care when she makes him laugh, and he definitely doesn’t care when they both disappear from the classroom. He misses the days when they all had their individual learning spaces and this kind of… disorganization in student location was unheard of. He stares at his school work and stews over where Jim and Gaila ran off to, ignoring the sinking feeling that he can’t live up to Gaila. He’s got no pheromones to make him seem more desirable than he is and he’s been reliably informed that he’s not desirable at all.

He’s trying to think up a logical reason to go find them when someone walks up to his desk. “You’re friends with Jim Kirk, right?” the person asks. Spock looks up to find an irritated human looking down at him and he can’t help but think she might be the type of person Jim might find attractive. Its not like he’d be wrong, she’s beautiful even if she’s currently angry.

“Yes. And you are?”

“Nyota Uhura and Gaila is _supposed_ to be my partner but she’s run off with Kirk. _Again_ ,” she says, arms crossed over her chest and Spock doesn’t like the implication that this happens often. He likes the implication that Jim is potentially hiding his frequent run ins with Gaila from him less.

“Perhaps we should go find them then, since Jim is supposed to be my partner,” he says, standing. Not that it matters, they’re both done and were working on projects for other classes but it’s the opportunity to go find Jim that he was looking for and Nyota seems to agree.

“I have no idea how you put up with him,” she says and he prickles a little. “You’re actually smart and reasonable so its weird that you chose _Jim Kirk_.”

He considers her statement for a moment before he responds. He doesn’t want to irritate her before they find Jim, forcing him to look on his own when he doesn’t need to. “Jim is plenty smart but he does have the impulse control of a particularly stupid goat.”

Nyota throws back her head and laughs, “oh wow, yeah that’s true. Do you remember when he got into it with that guest speaker and decided to just… _climb_ on a desk?”

He nods, “Jim has found the fastest way to irritate a Vulcan into giving him what he wants is to do something wildly illogical. It appears that in our attempt to try and categorize his strange behaviors into some type of logical motivation we let down our guard enough for him to dig out the information he actually wants.”

His words clearly surprise Nyota. “Huh, that’s kind of smart. I thought he just liked being an annoying asshole but maybe I should rethink- are you fucking kidding me?” she asks, spotting something past Spock’s head. He turns and if Nyota is mad Spock is positively _livid_.

“Jim!” Spock says, tone snappy and harsh. Jim, clearly surprised by his presence, breaks his kiss with Gaila and gives him a sheepish grin. Spock doesn’t pay much attention to him though, instead he fixes Gaila with a look so nasty if they could kill she’d have been dead several times before she hit the ground. She notices too, but not for long as Nyota also has a bone to pick with her.

“Gaila, can you focus on school while you’re _in_ school for five god damn minutes! Will it cause you pain to cooperate long enough to get our damn project done and _then_ you can get into Kirk’s pants?” she snaps, hands on her hips.

Spock decides he likes her.

*

Jim doesn’t get why Spock is so pissed off but he’ll get it out of him eventually, all he has to do is annoy him. He’s been holding out pretty good though so Jim decides to step up his game. He’s already stolen two of Spock’s text books to no avail, he’s messed with his highlighting system, _and_ he’s tried shaking the hell out of him but nothing has gone his way so he sits back and looks Spock over. He’s attempting, probably not with a lot of success, to do his homework at his desk and that’s it!

He bats Spock’s hands away from his books, earning an irritated look out of it, and promptly throws a leg over Spock’s chair and sits so he’s straddling him. The action throws Spock enough that he drops his pretense of anger to give Jim one of the most confused looks he’s ever gotten out of Spock. “Okay, _now_ you’re going to tell me why you’re so mad,” he says, draping his arms over Spock’s shoulders.

That mostly seems to confuse Spock more. “I am not angry,” he says. _Vulcan’s don’t feel anger_ lingers in the air but Jim knows that’s total shit, they all do.

“Yes you are, tell me why,” he says. Spock refuses to answer so Jim reaches out and runs a finger down the edge of Spock’s ear. Spock moves his hand away but still refuses to answer so Jim does it again. This time Spock keeps his wrist in his hand when he moves Jim away. He grins and runs his fingertips down Spock’s _other_ ear with his free hand. Spock grabs his hand and moves Jim’s hands behind his back, holding them in one hand. He wiggles, attempting to get out of the hold but its not going to happen. He hadn’t tried that hard but Spock’s a hell of a lot stronger than he is. Jim, not one to be deterred, just presses himself into Spock’s space further, leaving their faces only about an inch apart. “tell me why you’re mad.”

Spock huffs, looking off as his cheeks turn a little green and oh. _Oh_. Sensing a way to get what he wants he leans in and noses at the spot just under Spock’s ear, earning a small gasp out of him. “Tell me why you’re mad,” he murmurs, noting that Spock’s grip on his hands gets tighter.

“Jim,” Spock says, voice going a bit funny.

“Come on,” he murmurs, “tell me.”

Spock doesn’t answer him, instead he lets go of Jim’s wrists and pulls him into a harsh kiss. Jim lets out a squeak of surprise but doesn’t let it hold him back long. He wraps his arms around Spock’s neck, gasping a little as one of Spock’s hands tightens on his hip and the other buries itself in his hair, gripping it harshly. Its not the way Jim would have thought Spock would kiss at all, its too wild, unrefined, but that works for him. Jim might not have the _most_ experience but he knows that Orions are supposed to give off pheromones or something and if that’s what Gaila has been doing she’s got nothing on Spock.

The desperation fades after a moment and Spock’s grip on his hair loosens, if only a little. He pulls back only slightly, allowing himself a moment to take a breath before leaning back in and kissing Jim softer. Its short and sweet, almost apologetic but Jim doesn’t let Spock end it there. He leans into him again, deepening the kiss as he lets himself explore. Spock’s hair is soft but he already knew that, and his jawline is strong under Jim’s touch. He gasps lightly when he runs his fingertips down the outside of his ear again.

He feels Spock’s lips twitch up as he lets go of Jim’s waist to thread his fingers through Jim’s.

What breaks them apart is the surprised, “oh dear god,” they hear from Spock’s doorway. Amanda stands there looking as scarred as Jim feels, clearly unsure where to look. Inexplicably Jim’s first reaction is to pull his hand from Spock’s when he’s pretty sure the fact that he’s sitting on his lap is probably more pressing.

But then Vulcans _do_ have that thing about hand touching not that Jim likes that he’d reacted, _ugh_ , like a Vulcan would.

“Um, I’m going to leave,” Amanda says, cheeks red as she scurries out of the room, shutting the door behind her. Jim stares at it for a moment before it opens back up and he hears Amanda mumble, “actually on second thought,” before she presumably disappears to somewhere else in the house.

“ _What_ ,” Spock says, “was _that_?”

Jim gives him an offended look. “That was the best kiss of my life, Spock! Don’t act like you didn’t like it too,” he says, arms crossed over his chest.

Spock’s lips tip up ever so slightly and reaches out to him, settling his arms around Jim’s waist and pulling him closer. Jim has no choice but to uncross his arms and catch himself against Spock’s chest. “Not that, though I agree with your assessment. I meant my mother.”

He squints, confused for a moment before he realizes that Vulcans probably handle this type of thing differently than humans. “In the human world the only thing worse than knowing your parents fuck is knowing your kids fuck,” he says.

“That is _hardly-_ ” Spock starts but Jim cuts him off.

“Doesn’t matter, embarrassment level is basically the same across the board. And um, also the hand thing,” he says, cheeks turning red because he damn well knows what that means to Vulcans.

Spock’s cheeks turn a little green at that though Jim suspects its not for the same reasons he’s embarrassed. Vulcans are weird as hell. “Yes, I suppose that was a little inappropriate,” he murmurs like Jim isn’t sitting in his lap straddling him. He’s pretty sure that’s where humans would freak out, not the damn hand thing but Spock _did_ basically Vulcan hand fuck him so maybe there’s something to it.

They sit there for a moment, not moving. “I’m never going to be able to look your mother in the eye again,” Jim mumbles, eyes wide.

Its so worth it to see Spock roll his eyes though. He hasn’t done that in _years_ and even then he only did it when he was certain he wasn’t being watched given that it’s a habit picked up from his mother. Something distinctly _human_. “Jim, there is no need for the dramatics. And I was mad at you because _I_ wanted to kiss you. Completely irrational,” he mumbles to himself.

Jim grins though, “you were _jealous_?” he asks, enthused.

“Don’t be absurd, Vulcans don’t feel jealousy. I was simply… blinded by rage,” Spock says. It sounds funny when he says it in such an even voice so Jim laughs.

“That’s jealousy, Spock. Where’s this coming from?” he asks, head tilted to the side.

Spock holds him closer, ensuring he’s totally flush with his body. “I just… feel that you should be mine and only mine,” he says eventually, looking confused.

He can’t say why he feels indescribably happy about this so Spock isn’t the only confused one but unlike Spock Jim doesn’t question it. “You want me to be yours, hmm?”

Spock nods slowly, eyebrows still drawn together slightly. “Yes.”

“I can do that,” Jim tells him, leaning back in to kiss him.

“No, _nope_ , stop it!” Amanda says from the doorway, reappearing at another inopportune time. Jim hopes a freak accident happens and kills them all before he has to face Spock’s mom _again_.

“Can we pretend nothing ever happened?” he asks.

Amanda crosses her arms, “no, I really wish we could but no. Come on, out, both of you. We might we well get this over with now,” she mumbles.

“Cool, I already got The Talk from Bones, so if I could go that’d be pretty- yeah, alright, I’m moving,” he mumbles, crawling out of Spock’s lap and ignoring the way his whole face has probably turned red by now.

Spock, as usual, doesn’t look the least bit bothered and he can’t tell if that relieves Amanda or confuses her more. “If this is a discussion of sex, I know how to read and I am aware of the situation,” Spock says. “And I probably know more than you, no offense.”

Jim would say that’s offensive anyway except its probably true and its not meant as a dig. Amanda seems to realize this but the smug look on her face tells Jim he’s going to hate whatever she has to say. “I’m sure you do Spock, but you don’t know more than your father.”

Nothing actually _changes_ on Spock’s face but Jim knows he wasn’t expecting that and isn’t pleased with this turn of events. He considers it for a short moment before he looks up, hands grasped behind his back. “In that case I would sooner light myself on fire than leave this room,” he says, voice as even as ever.

Amanda and Jim exchange a look and burst out laughing. “My son, acting like a teenager,” she says, shaking her head with fondness in her eyes.

“Yeah, I didn’t know Vulcans did _that_ ,” Jim says, grinning.

Spock narrows his eyes at him, “I don’t see why _you’re_ so pleased with the situation when you’re going to have to deal with him too,” Spock points out.

 _Ha_ , no. “Uh huh, yeah its been nice but I’m going to go,” he says.

“The only exit is blocked, how are you going to leave?” Spock asks.

Amanda catches onto him before Spock does. “James Tiberius Kirk if you go out that window there _will_ be consequences!” she says, taking a few quick steps into the room but Jim is already at the window and halfway out.

“Yeah, probably a broken leg,” he tells her and jumps out. He hears her let out a small shriek as he lands in the garden, dirty and covered in Vulcan flora but otherwise fine.

“Jim!” Amanda yells, fighting Spock for a space in the window to look down.

He picks himself up and grins, “have fun with the sex talk from Sarek!” he says, waving at Spock before he walks away, ignoring the protests of both Amanda and Spock. He makes his way quickly around the yard and avoids the front door in case Amanda or Sarek appear out of it. He’s nearly at the edge of the property when he hears someone behind him. Spock doesn’t look the least bit flustered, out of breath, or otherwise ruffled. “How the hell did _you_ escape?”

“The same way you did. If a human could jump out of a second story window with no injuries a Vulcan can do it without a problem,” Spock says.

Yeah, okay, he’s got a point. “You know that was pure luck, right? Like I probably should have busted an ankle or something.”

“I am well aware, but as I am not as breakable as you I figured my chances were still good even if I landed at an odd angle. Lets go before my mother catches up with us, she’s threatened to skin me and I’m not certain the threat was benign.” Spock prods him along and Jim grins, pleased that for once Spock is right there with him doing dumb shit instead of just getting him out of it.

“Come on, lets go bug the shit out of Bones!” Jim says, excited.


	2. Chapter 2

_15_

Bones gives them all a stern look not that its hard when he looks a little pissed off at all times naturally. “Don’t do anything stupid, if you see someone doing something stupid, kill them on the spot and _you_ ,” Bones says, turning to Jim. “If I catch you doing a single drug you won’t have to worry about your mother because I’ll beat your ass first, got that?” he says.

Spock gives him an offended look and Jim snorts. “What, you think you can stop me?” he asks in a teasing tone.

“You know I could,” Spock tells him. Jim ignores the thrill he feels because he’s in polite company and he’s suffered Amanda’s lectures enough, thanks.

“Gross, guys,” Gaila says. Jim isn’t surprised she’s the only one to pick up on the tension between them but Bones catches on immediately. Probably because he’s older.

“Yeah, _gross_ , guys. What’s wrong with you two?” he mumbles.

Gaila snorts, “there’s _nothing_ wrong with Jim, I can tell you that,” she says under her breath.

“Explains why he isn’t with you,” Spock throws back.

The pointed barb is familiar if a little old. Jim kisses her _one_ time- well, that Spock knows of- and suddenly he hates her guts despite her actually being pretty cool. Jim gives Spock a _look_ , “don’t be like that,” he murmurs, reaching out and threading their fingers together.

Of all people he wouldn’t have expected Bones to be the one to let out a surprisingly high squeak of offense before he pulls their hands apart. “You two are in _public_!” he says, scandalized.

“We’re in your apartment,” Spock says, eyebrows drawn together slightly.

“Public enough for me,” Bones says. “Do _not_ do anything stupid,” he repeats.

Jim grins, “don’t worry Bones, your apartment is in good hands,” he lies. He’s probably the worst option to apartment sit while Bones does some in the field training for a couple weeks but he’s not about to tell Bones that when he’s just been handed a free party pad for almost a month.

“Fuck me, this is a bad idea. You’re paying for damages, shit isn’t cheap on this planet,” he says, shaking his head. His shoulders drop as he must resign himself with the disaster that Jim is sure to cause. “I left dinner in the fridge, do your fucking dishes, and if you throw a bunch of parties just make sure any kind of law enforcement stays out of it. Just… don’t commit crimes and shit,” he says. “I gotta go and I’ve got a feeling that this is a bad idea but I have a ship to catch so…” he trails off but he doesn’t move for another couple seconds. “I find out you two fucked in my bed I’ll end you,” he tells Spock. “That includes your weird Vulcan hand stuff.”

“Your bed is safe as I’m unsure you clean your sheets often enough for me to deem it anything but a biohazard,” Spock says.

Bones sputters, “okay you know what, just because I like Jim doesn’t mean I like you okay. You’re on thin ice and I clean my sheets _plenty_ , thank you!” With that Bones gives his apartment one last forlorn look before he leaves.

Jim barely waits for the door to shut before he turns around, “so we’re throwing a party like _immediately_ , right?”

“Only if Spock is the only Vulcan invited. Can you imagine partying with them? Ugh,” Gaila says, wrinkling her nose.

“It’d probably end up being some like trivia night or something,” Jim says, snickering.

Spock frowns, “that… doesn’t sound bad.”

“I agree but what do we know, we’re only sensible,” Nyota mumbles. “We are _not_ throwing a party.”

Four hours later she’s eating her words as she tries, and somehow _succeeds_ , in drinking Jim under the table. “Oh my _god_ are you even drunk?” he asks her, clinging to the side of Bones’ kitchen table as he tries to orient himself. Nyota doesn’t look the least bit affected and Jim has to say he’s impressed.

“Obviously I’m drunk Kirk, but unlike some people I know how to handle my alcohol,” she tells him, grinning as she walks off.

“Jim, you _know_ this is a bad idea, right?” Spock says, helping Jim stand up right. He leans all his weight into Spock and smiles when he wraps his arms around him.

“Yeah, but I’ll mostly only care about that tomorrow,” he says. “Come lay down with me.”

Spock sighs softly and prods Jim along. “That’s probably a good idea, come on.” He lets Spock lead him away from the crowd and he’s a little surprised this many Vulcans showed up _and_ that they do more than talk about trivia or whatever. Spock leads him into Bones’ bedroom, shutting the door behind him.

“Have I ever told you how cute you are?” Jim asks as he drags Spock off to Bones’ bed. “Cuz you’re really cute.”

“I could have gathered that without you telling me,” Spock tells him, sounding amused.

“Vulcans,” Jim mumbles, dragging Spock closer to him. “Just let me tell you things.”

“Jim, I don’t think I could stop you from telling me things if I tried,” Spock tells him. He lays down next to Jim, allowing him to curl up into his side, head on his chest. Spock circles his arms around him, fingers trailing up and down his arm. “My father thinks I have an unnatural attachment to you,” he says after awhile.

Jim rolls his eyes, “any attachment is unnatural to your father,” he mumbles. He swears he hears a soft laugh from Spock and that’s how he knows he’s _really_ drunk because Spock doesn’t laugh. He does on the inside but his amusement never shows on his face. Jim doesn’t know how he keeps all that in all the time but he’s really good at it now.

“He isn’t _that_ bad, Jim. But I think he has a point.” He sits straight up, looking down at Spock with a surprising amount of sudden sobriety. Spock sits up too, reaching out to him and pulling him back to him. “Not like that. What I mean is that I… swear sometimes its like I know things about you that you never told me. Sometimes I feel you when you aren’t there.”

He can hear the slight wavering in Spock’s tone, how unsure he is. This is a bad time to involve him in a conversation because he’s definitely not sober enough for this but Spock probably planned that. Probably easier to talk to Jim when he’s drunk than sober he figures. “Me too. You remember the first time we met?”

Spock nods, “when you decided it was a good idea to take on Stonn and got a punch right to the solar plexus. Stupid of you, by the way.”

Jim snorts, “he didn’t hit me that hard, actually. I’ve been hit harder by humans but the look on his face was pretty good. But I felt it, your anger. Could feel that you didn’t want to react either, because that’d make it worse. So I did it for you.”

*

 _So I did it for you_. Jim probably thinks the words mean nothing and if he remembers any of this at all Spock will be surprised. He had no idea Nyota could drink that much and last he saw her she was battling it out with a couple of Vulcans over the correct pronunciation of some Klingon verb like the sheer amount of alcohol she’s consumed has had no effect. Jim at least will regret this in the morning, he’s seen humans after they drink too much alcohol. They basically end up with the flu, which makes him wonder why they’d choose to drink at all.

But Jim’s strange choices in drink consumption isn’t what has his mind occupied. _Jim_ feels things too, things no human should on account of they aren’t a species with any type of telepathic capabilities. But he felt something too, right from the beginning before he even technically met Spock. Its hard to remember then, what things were like, how he felt about things. He remembers the first time he’d seen Jim though, with his blonde hair and blue eyes. A combination that doesn’t exist naturally on Vulcan so he’d stood out. Spock isn’t sure that’s why he’d paid so much attention to him or for some other reason. He does know there’s no reason for him to have such an attachment to Jim now.

He’s spent a lot of time thinking about how much he normally dislikes traits that, when not on Jim, cease being as endearing and amusing. He _loathes_ people who irritate others for fun, he dislikes loud attention seeking types, and if he has to spend a single _minute_ with people who can’t keep their emotions in check he quickly grows irritated though unlike _those_ people he keeps it to himself. But Jim is _all_ those things- loud, attention seeking, purposefully irritating, over emotional to the point of extreme stupidity, and a million other things Spock is sure he’s supposed to hate but he doesn’t.

Maybe its because Jim’s loud attention seeking nature forced friends into his life however much he could do without Gaila, or maybe its because Jim never actually means any harm when he irritates people for fun, he has no idea why he loves Jim. And he does, much as he’d rather not admit it. He’s certain that he’s loved Jim since before he knew what that meant outside of family members loving each other. By all means it makes no sense, less sense now that he knows how Jim feels. He thought maybe… well, he’d worried that maybe he’d somehow overstepped his bounds with Jim, altered his mind somehow into favoring him. Its technically possible for him to do if exceedingly difficult without actually melding to his mind. And Jim isn’t afraid of that either, the way he could potentially just _invade_ his mind. Jim shows no fear of it at all like Vulcans do.

Not, he supposes, that Jim fears much but it makes sense to fear people who can enter your mind, Spock understands why there’s such a _stigma_ around being a mind melder proper. T’Pau assures him none of that stigma is useful or even factually correct most of the time and he knows enough now to know that’s true but he still finds the power disconcerting. Of course in the _one_ area he’s more Vulcan than most Vulcans its something like _that_. So he’d worried that maybe he’d influenced Jim somehow even when he knows that’s irrational but he can’t have influenced Jim into inserting himself forcefully into Spock’s life before they even spoke so he supposes that theory is wrong.

He’s considering how and why Jim seems to feel their connection too when Gaila bursts into the room. She looks over at him, eyes lingering on Jim in a way that makes his hackles rise. He glares at her, assuming his meaning is clear without words. “Oh stop it, Spock. I’m just looking to hide for a minute. God damn pheromones,” she mumbles.

“Perhaps it should have occurred to you that your party trick is only fun until you get bored of it,” he tells her, unable to keep the cutting tone out of his voice.

Gaila rolls her eyes, a habit picked up from Jim. “Well what do you expect me to do, Kirk it and go out a window?” she asks.

“That would be preferable to whatever it is you’re attempting now.” Jim stirs in his arms and he resists the strange urge to _snarl_ of all things. An absurd reaction, he knows, but Gaila seems to bring out the worst in him.

“This apartment is five stories up, smartass. How do you expect me to survive?” she asks, hands on her hips.

“That isn’t my concern,” he tells her, voice cold. Jim stirs against his side, blinking a little as he wrinkles his nose. He looks sweet like that, half awake but it won’t do. “Its alright, go back to sleep,” he tells Jim, surprising even himself at the sheer _difference_ in the way he’d sounded talking to Gaila versus Jim.

Gaila decides she’s got other plans anyway. “I am so _sick_ of your shit!” she yells, grabbing the nearest thing to her hand and throwing it full force at Spock, forcing Spock to catch it and _fast_ before it hits Jim given that Gaila has bad aim. “You won alright, you won a fucking _year_ ago and I’m tired of you treating me like this because you’re _mad_ I kissed Jim a couple times! Get over it, he’s clearly in love with you so I’m not a god damn threat!”

“ _You_ ,” Spock tells her, thick text book in his hand, “are _lucky_ that didn’t hit Jim.” The way his voice sounds is off even to him given that he’s never spoken with quite so much quiet rage in his voice. Gaila seems to realize her mistake immediately and turns a lighter shade of green than the one she was a moment ago.

“Hey, what?” Jim asks, blinking up from the bed where Spock hadn’t realized he’d deposited him when he’d sat up. “What’s wrong?” he asks, reaching out to Spock. He tosses the text aside, earning a frown from Jim. “Why’d you have Bones’ Adorian physiology text book?” he asks.

“Tell your _insane_ boyfriend that you don’t want to fuck me!” Gaila yells at him before turning and all but running out the door.

Jim stares after her for a moment, “well that’s a lie, I’d be down if she asked,” he says to the closed door. Spock can’t explain why he pins Jim back down to the bed, swinging a leg over Jim’s so he’s straddling him. He can’t explain why he kisses Jim as hard as he does, why he feels so _possessive_ as he threads his fingers through Jim’s hair and pulls at it the way he likes. Jim mewls softly under him, pliant as ever under Spock’s hands.

“You are _mine_ ,” he tells him, delighting in the soft moan he gets out of Jim as he sucks at the sensitive spot on his neck.

“Mhm,” Jim agrees, emotions fuzzy but overall pleasant.

“Say it,” he tells Jim, “say you’re mine.”

Jim nods, “m’yours,” he says, “always been yours.” Spock makes a self satisfied noise as he pulls away some. Jim drags him back in for a kiss and he allows it, “what’s up with you today?” Jim asks. “Bit possessive, hmm?”

Spock runs his fingers over Jim’s jawline before cupping his face softly, “as if you wouldn’t react the same way.” He does, with T’Pring though in recent months he’s backed off that. Perhaps because its so painfully obvious that they aren’t a good match for each other, certainly not as good a match as he and Jim are.

“Yeah, but I wouldn’t be so mean,” Jim murmurs.

“You once hatched a plan to kill T’Pring,” Spock tells him, an amused lilt in his tone. Not that he was serious about it obviously, he was maybe eight at the time, but it still happened.

Jim rolls his eyes, “I was like, seven, Spock. Can’t hold me responsible for things I said when I was _seven_. And Gaila is nice, you should be more polite,” he says, kissing Spock softly again.

“I don’t like the way she looks at you,” he says.

“You mean with eyes? Come on Spock, she _knows_ we’re together and she told me flat out she’d never fuck with a Vulcan.” A good choice on her end, Vulcans are stronger than Orions too and her pheromones have zero effects on Vulcans. It would be unwise to test his patience. “Spock,” Jim says, “be nicer.”

He resolves to try but only for Jim.

*

Jim snorts as Nyota glares Spock down. He looks like a scolded child sitting there glaring up at her not that its easy to tell that he’s glaring. “I said the same thing but he’s got a real bug up his ass about Gaila for some reason,” he says, shrugging. Gaila, for her part, has mostly decided to ignore Spock’s existence for the time being. Won’t be long before that’s impossible but hey, she gets the time it takes to get them all breakfast to get her shit together. Apparently she tossed a text book at Spock’s head, which happened to be near _his_ head and all he’d wanted was a nap. Not that he minded waking up to a pretty hot make out session, he’ll take that at least.

“You will stop acting like a child who’s toy got stolen and _apologize_. You’re acting like an irrational jealous lover for no reason when Jim has barely shown an interest in anyone outside of you,” she says.

Spock looks offended at the suggestion, Jim presumes, that he’s anything but Vulcan calm but he isn’t and they all know it. These days Gaila is the only thing that seems to break through his training in public. Sometimes Jim gets small moments when he and Spock are alone but that’s it. It kind of makes him sad that Spock has erased all semblance of feeling from his face and body language but he gets it, given the amount of shit he’s had to deal with for being half human.

“I am acting in no such way,” he tells her.

Nyota has less patience for Spock than Jim does, “yes you are and you’re going to stop it _now_. There’s no reason for you to be acting this way and you can be _cruel_.”

Yeah, no shit. “Did I remember that you basically told her to jump out a window last night or was that the alcohol?”

“No, he said that,” Nyota says, sparing him a glance over her shoulder.

Jim winces, “that’s a pretty asshole thing to say, Spock. Come on, you know you have nothing to worry about so stop acting like Gaila is going to like… seduce me or something. Pretty sure she would have tried that by now if she wanted to.”

“Its not like you’re affected by her anyway,” Nyota says and Jim frowns.

“How the hell would she know _that_?” She doesn’t really bother with the pheromones much anyway given that there aren’t a whole lot of outworlders here and Vulcans aren’t affected by Orions.

“If you were she was stinking up a cloud last night, trust me you would have noticed even half asleep and wasted. The rest of us sure did.” Spock frowns but it happens to be Gaila that asks what they’re all thinking.

“How would _you_ know that?” Gaila asks from the entrance to Bones’ kitchen.

“Pretty sure your pheromones affect anyone who’d normally be attracted to you rather than men specifically,” Nyota tells her. “But that’s not the point-” she starts but Gaila cuts her off.

“You’re attracted to me?” she asks, clearly flattered.

Nyota rolls her eyes, “yes Gaila, I have functioning eyes. Now Spock-” Gaila cuts her off again.

“Why didn’t you say anything sooner?” she asks.

“Not relevant at the-”

“Its relevant to me, I want to experiment now and its not like you’re hard on the eyes. If all humans look like you guys you’re a pretty hot species,” she says, winking at Jim.

He feels the need to quickly stand in front of her if for no other reason than Spock’s blind rage at the action. “Jesus Spock, cool your shit,” he tells him, “and Nyota and I happen to be exceptionally attractive for our species,” he tells Gaila.

Nyota sighs, “much as I hate to admit it yeah, Kirk is considerably more attractive than the average human man. Or woman. Can we get back to the subject at hand?”

“Food?” Gaila suggests and Jim is _starving_ so he’s more than happy to let Nyota’s dressing down take a back seat while he stuffs his face with food. He grabs the bag she’s carried in with her and digs around in it until he finds what he wants and hands it unceremoniously to Nyota, who rolls her eyes at him. He’s too busy eating to care much about her judgements.

“Does anyone else miss meat?” he asks. Its been _forever_ mostly because most Vulcan stores don’t carry foods from other planets so vegetarian diet it is.

Gaila lets out a long sigh, “yeah. Not that you guys have tried any of my favorites but yeah.”

“I miss bacon,” Nyota says, giving Spock a _look_ over her food.

“Can’t say I know what to miss,” Spock says, eating his food primly the way all Vulcans do. God help them if they see humans or Orions eat, they all lose it because neither species is afraid to touch their food.

“Vulcan vegetarian options _are_ superior though,” Gaila says.

Jim snorts, “that’s because that’s all they eat. And you know, since we’re all bonding who wants to help me clean?”

They all groan minus Spock, who mostly just looks displeased, but they all agree to help him out.

*

Bones has no idea what he’s about to walk in on and at this point he’s a little afraid. Yeah, he trusts Jim, but give that kid an inch and he takes as many miles as he can squeeze out before his luck stops. So when he walks into his apartment he expects total disarray, which makes the spotless appearance of his apartment suspect to him as he glances around, sure that there’s mess hiding somewhere. He can hear Jim, Spock, Nyota, and Gaila in the kitchen arguing over something and he figures only Spock heard him come in so he’ll snoop around.

He drops his stuff in his room and immediately decides to murder Spock given that Jim probably didn’t clean his sheets and reorganize all his text books. “Can’t you just leave my shit alone?” he yells to the kitchen.

“If you had any type of organization to that mess at all I would have left it. Fortunately for you, I know how to properly alphabetize,” Spock says back, voice carrying into his room from the kitchen.

Bones rolls his eyes but figures its better than the massive parties he figured Jim would have thrown. God, he hopes his sheets don’t smell like Vulcan. “So what did you guys get up to?” he asks, walking into the kitchen to find them all playing poker. Spock is winning not that that surprises Bones. Any Vulcan could win at a game that requires people to sit with a straight face. He’s probably counting cards too, or Jim is. Or both of them are.

Jim grins, “we threw a bunch of huge parties, almost busted three different windows, and found a chicken in a corner store that made us all sick minus Spock, who was smart enough not to trust corner store chicken,” he says, looking pleased with himself.

Bones rolls his eyes fondly, “uh huh. Got to hand it to you kid, I thought you’d destroy the place. Appreciate that you didn’t.” He smiles a little, happy that Jim is finally calming down and maturing some even if he feels the need to live up to his reputation by telling stupid stories about corner store chickens. Everyone knows its basically impossible to find any type of meat on Vulcan let alone a _chicken_.

_16_

Jim is trying to eat breakfast around his mom’s mess on the table and he wishes she’d just fucking let it _go_. He wants to tell her its been sixteen years, that it doesn’t _matter_ anymore but he knows that’s a bad idea, or at least phrasing it like that is. But its hard, always has been, to see his mom obsess over his father’s death and the amount of _work_ she’s put into trying to figure out what happened. God, Jim can recite the whole thing backwards and forwards and list everyone who lived _and_ died. It was time to give this up a long time ago but Winona clearly doesn’t think so and being on Vulcan mostly only furthers her obsession in figuring out what went wrong. Jim is sure that her job at the earth-Vulcan embassy is mostly a formality given that what she really wanted was access to Vulcan databases. In her defense they’re some of the best in the Federation.

But by now he’s bored with it, angry even. He could have had a normal fucking life in buttfuck Iowa but no, instead he got shipped off to another _planet_ because him mom chose to obsess about his dead father instead of deal with the kid she got out of it. He knows he’s not being fair, that if it were Spock he’d do the same, or probably _worse_ , but it started being hard to look at when he was ten let alone six years after that.

“Do you see anything new?” she asks as she rushes into the room, eyes already scanning over the papers on the table. There isn’t anything new, no, aside from a couple of pictures she managed to pull from various ship’s point of view that give a new angle to the Nerada. She expects an answer though so he looks them over, more than familiar enough to draw a conclusion from a glance.

“That’s weird,” he says, pointing to a bit extending from the ship. “But its not like I’m familiar with Romulan mining ships.”

“Familiar enough to identify one on sight. That bit does look weird…” she picks up the picture and examines it, squinting at it. He ignores it because whatever it is its nothing, its _always_ nothing and the extend-y bit doesn’t even look like it means anything, like its some half formed bit or something that broke. Probably not unusual for a mining ship anyway. He’s certain he’s gotten away with this week’s version of ‘is there something new’ despite the fact that nothing new has shown up in the better part of Jim’s life when his mom speaks again.

“You’re getting older,” she says and Jim might welcome a new subject in this household if not for the fact that he’s sure he’ll dislike the direction this conversation is going to go.

“Mhm,” he says, choosing not to encourage whatever this is.

“Old enough to start considering what you want to do with your life,” she says, raising an eyebrow.

Oh _great_. Spock says he’s been getting The Eye from his father too, and he can’t say he envies him there. Sarek has high standards but at least Spock has Amanda, who would be happy with anything he chose to do. “Uh huh,” he says, hoping she’s got to leave for work soon.

“Well?” she asks, raising an eyebrow. “What were you thinking of doing?” she continues when he doesn’t answer.

He clenches his teeth, not looking forward to this. “Probably apply to the VSA,” he says. That’s what Spock is doing even if Jim knows he has his doubts.

“Vulcan Science Academy…” Winona murmurs like there’s something she doesn’t like about it. Jim can hazard a guess about what that is but he figures he’ll either let her say it or they can suffer in silence. He gets about twenty seconds of silence before that ends. “I thought maybe you’d apply to Starfleet,” she says.

 _Be like your father_ , she says. Jim isn’t an idiot, he knows how to read between the lines. “Don’t have an interest in Starfleet,” he lies. He does because space is _cool_ and he _likes_ talking with people from other planets, learning more about how they live and he’s sure Spock would kill him for prodding random space plants but it would be awesome to see things no one else has. He’s always liked learning and there’s no better place for that than Starfleet but he’s met about a million people from the organization and its all the same. _Oh, George Kirk’s son_ like Jim isn’t his own person with his own motivations, personality, and ambitions.

He’s not joining Starfleet to ride on his daddy’s coat tails and as much as he’d prefer Starfleet to the VSA at least he knows Vulcans will grade him on his merit and merit only. Well, okay, Vulcans pretty much hate outworlders but if anything that means he’d have to work _harder_ to get good grades and he’d rather do that than have people hand him everything on a platter because he’s his father’s son. God, he hates being the kid of someone like George. Good men leave big shadows for their sons to live in and Jim has never wanted to stand in anyone’s shadow. Its not in his nature.

“You’d be a good captain, Jim,” Winona says and yeah, of course he’d be a good captain because he’s _so much_ like his father, he’s heard it his whole fucking life from everyone who isn’t Spock and his other friends. Most of them don’t know much about his home life anyway and he intends to keep it that way. Spock obviously knows the most given that he’s been around the longest but Jim suspects that even he doesn’t know the whole extent of this… mess. Probably because Jim actively does his best to hide it. Its not like he’s needed adult supervision in a long time and Bones used to watch him a ton when they were young so he got away with hiding a lot.

“Pretty sure I’d be a good researcher too,” he says. He still gets to learn about other worlds and planets, just not up close given that a lot of new species make their way through the VSA for research and categorization purposes. He could still do a bunch of cool stuff with weird plants from another planet, write some awesome papers that even Spock will have to admit are brilliant. Okay, that _Nyota_ will admit are awesome because Spock is biased even if he’d pretend not to be. And Nyota has grown to like him but he trusts her judgement of his skill more than Spock’s.

Or hell, there’s research ships too. Its not like he _can’t_ explore other worlds its just that he doesn’t want to do it through Starfleet.

Winona frowns at him, “a _researcher_? Are you sure you’d be happy with that?” she asks like she has any idea what he’d be happy with. His entire childhood has been overshadowed with her obsession with his father, how the hell would _she_ know what he’s like? He doesn’t even get the benefit of being seen outside of how much he’s supposedly like George. Makes Jim hate the man. Also makes him wish he’d met him. He must have been something if he managed to alter the lives of those around him so much that he’s all Jim hears about whenever he spends any time in the company of people in or involved with Starfleet.

“Why not? I’m curious enough for it,” he points out.

“But you’re adventurous too. Why would you spend the rest of your life in a lab when you’d be better suited to… well, anything else almost,” she says. Yeah, okay.

“I don’t mind labs.” At least doesn’t mind them enough to work in one. He can do things elsewhere that fun and adventurous.

Winona gives him a skeptical look but chooses to leave it. “If you ever want to look into anything you know I can get you a tour, right?” she asks like that isn’t the entire problem.

He’s _not_ going to go somewhere where he’ll be handed rank because of who he knows.

*

Spock has had enough but he’s not certain what to do about it. T’Pring stands beside him a couple feet away, hands tucked neatly behind her back. Its not unusual for them and its so… _uncomfortable_. Spock is more than aware of what relationships look like by now, he’s been in one for two years with Jim though his father seems to think it’s a phase and frankly he suspects T’Pring’s affections lay elsewhere too. He can’t say he blames her when he’s so disinterested in anything to do with her.

He considers his words for a moment before he decides perhaps human bluntness is the best way to go. There is merit in saying what you mean if it’s the fastest way to make your point. Its one of the rare instances where humans have a shred of logic even if they often abuse their blunt nature either humiliate each other or hand off useless details of their lives. Still, its most logical to simply tell T’Pring how he feels and perhaps they can find a way out of this.

“I find you insufferable,” he says.

T’Pring looks over at him, considering him for a moment before she nods. “I feel the same about you,” she says.

Spock resists the absurd urge to sag in relief the way he’s seen Jim do a million times. “Excellent. Then I suppose you will not disagree that we should find a way to… solve the problem of our future bonding.”

“Most certainly. I cannot be bonded to someone who keeps the company of _humans_ ,” she says distastefully. Spock prickles on behalf of his mother, who is quite reserved and logical at least for a human. Jim… he will make concessions for as he can see why T’Pring wouldn’t like him. Even if she’s wrong.

“There is the issue of our bonding not taking the first time,” he says.

T’Pring shakes her head, “probably your human heritage.”

He bristles again at that but chooses to ignore the dig. “I don’t believe that’s it,” he says, refusing to elaborate despite her questioning look.

“There is that unnatural connection you have to that human. Jim,” she says.

 _Unnatural_. His father had once described it that way too and hadn’t been pleased when Spock stopped speaking to him for several weeks. He had, after thought, conceded that he did have a point in stating that Spock was overly attached to Jim but his assumption- that perhaps Jim appealed to his human side- was wrong. Spock has spent more than enough time with humans to know that, for all the worry Vulcans seem to have about his human heritage, he’s not very human at all.

He is willing to give T’Pring some credit though. “Its… possible that we could use that.” She looks surprised, eyebrows lifting just a bit.

“You could always claim he’s your t’hy’la,” she says.

If Spock were the laughing type he’d have doubled over with it, but since he isn’t he tilts his head to the side. “That is an absurd claim, no one would ever believe that.”

T’Pring turns to look at him proper like she’s going to glean some type of information off of him when there is none to be found. “I’m not so sure. You haven’t seen the way you act around him,” she points out.

Maybe not but that hardly matters. “T’hy’la are rare, exceedingly so. We could fool humans into believing that but _Vulcans_?” He shakes his head. “We should come up with a less outlandish way to break our… not bond.”

“Serak acts just the way you do around Jim around your mother and I believe she is his t’hy’la, is she not?” T’Pring says.

“No, she is not.” What a _bizarre_ claim. Spock only barely manages to keep his confusion from his face its so strange. “We will think of something that doesn’t stretch the limits of believability.”

*

Spock is meditating when T’Pau approaches. Its not unfamiliar to him but unlike his usual sessions he unfurls his legs as he leaves his meditative state. T’Pau says nothing but he knows she’s questioning why he’s done such a thing. Jim might complain about Vulcan inability to show facial expressions but only because his species relies on such information too heavily. Vulcans have learned to read each other even when they aren’t saying or doing anything at all. Which Jim, incidentally, also knows how to do but only does so when its convenient for him.

“Is there a way to tell if someone is your t’hy’la?” he asks, getting straight to the point. T’Pau is an impatient woman, she doesn’t like when he beats around the bush as Jim would put it. Besides that T’Pau knows more about him than almost everyone in his life thanks to their frequent sessions in melding.

T’Pau doesn’t register any surprise. “For humans or Vulcans?” she asks with a knowing air around her. Spock dislikes it but there’s little he can do about that.

“Both, but Vulcans mostly.”

He gets a curt nod as T’Pau sits across from him, folding her legs underneath herself neatly. “Vulcans will feel a… _pull_ towards their t’hy’la, an inability to stay away. Often times they are able to glean more of their t’hy’la’s emotions than they would with someone they did not share a soul bond with. You would know it if you felt it. Humans… from what I have gathered they simply get a feeling. I am unsure how they differentiate between t’hy’la bonds and all their other… _feelings_.”

Yes, Spock thinks that’s a bad organization system for humans too. Jim often gets feelings, usually ones that result in him doing something dangerous or unwise. Or, on rare occasions, avoiding something dangerous though he finds Nyota gets those ‘feelings’ more than Jim. Perhaps because she has a sense of self preservation. “Is that all?” he asks.

T’Pau looks at him for a long moment, “if you have met your t’hy’la you would know, Spock. You are quite adept in telepathy.”

Yes, he is. Almost as good as T’Pau now, and better than his father not that he’d known he was able to meld until a year or so ago. So T’Pau’s assessment isn’t wrong, but he does think it is incomplete. “Under normal circumstances I would agree, but I met Jim when we were children. I have little memory of a time before him and he is… loud, naturally. I am unsure if the emotion I am able to feel off of him is due to his chaotic nature alongside a near lifelong bond or if its… something else.” He doesn’t mention that Jim feels it too, always has according to him because it makes no sense. Jim probably got one of those _feelings_ of his and his imagination ran away with it. It would hardly be the first time Jim’s imagination ran away with him.

T’Pau nods, considering. “Have you melded with him?” she asks. Spock shakes his head. Its not that Jim is afraid, or hasn’t asked, its just that Spock doesn’t want to hurt him. “Hmm. While rare, it is possible you two have a bond I would be able to see. Not like the bond that we attempted with T’Pring when you were a child, the bond would be fainter than that if you’ve never melded with him before.” She pauses for a moment, “an existing bond would explain why your mind rejected T’Pring’s.”

“I have existing bonds,” he points out- with his father and mother.

“Not of that nature, you don’t. Vulcans tend to be terribly territorial over bond mates- do you find yourself overly protective of Jim?” she asks.

His first response is no on account of Jim being the type that is unable to contain but that’s not true. “I have acted… irrationally, in the past,” he says eventually. Gaila would likely have an entirely different and more colorful description of his behavior but it is the kind of thing T’Pau is looking for, he’s sure.

“And with T’Pring?” she asks.

“If I am to speak freely I would rather not be attached to her for any length of time let alone the rest of my life.”

She nods. “Come here,” she says, holding up her hand. Spock leans forward, allowing her to touch his meld points briefly before he feels her in his mind. Its not unfamiliar to him, even as she shifts through his thoughts. When she gets to Jim though he feels his mind recoil, doing its best to hide him from her.

 _Spock. Control yourself_ T’Pau tells him in his mind’s eye. With great effort he lets his shields down, struggling to hold them there as T’Pau gently makes her way in, mindful it seems of his protective instinct.

 _I do not have to go further to know he is your t’hy’la, but I would like to see if there is a bond. Hold your defenses_ she tells him.

The blunt delivery of the news makes it easier to not snap her out of his thoughts of Jim, if only barely. Spock isn’t entirely surprised when she finds what looks like a golden strand in his mind, stronger than the one he shares with his father and brighter too. T’Pau reaches out to it and Spock can’t hold back anymore, he doesn’t want to forcibly eject her from his thoughts but his defenses refuse to hold any longer.

T’Pau doesn’t look the slightest bit disturbed as he forcibly breaks the meld though he can feel her surprise and something else too, something hard to identify. “I am impressed you let me get that close. And your defenses are incredibly strong. Work on making your outer defenses as strong as the ones you have around Jim,” she tells him. She’s giving him an odd look, one he can’t quite decipher let alone figure out the reason for. Maybe his defenses around Jim are more impressive than she’s letting on or maybe its something else.

*

Jim is debating on seeing if he can dangle himself from his light fixture when Spock walks in, frowning slightly as he looks at Jim eyeing his light fixture. “That will not hold your weight,” he says, accurately guessing what he’s thinking.

“Fine, I’ll leave it for now. Thought you were supposed to be _bonding_ with T’Pring,” he says, wrinkling his nose.

“T’Pring and I are thankfully no longer seeing each other,” he says and pauses. Jim frowns because Spock clearly has news but he’s taking his sweet ass time spitting it out. “And, if you would like, we are scheduled to be bonded next week. If not-”

Jim throws himself at Spock, forcing him to catch his body weight not that it matters much with Vulcan strength. “Yeah, _obviously_!” God, he’s wanted to be bonded to Spock before he even knew what the hell that meant. And he _definitely_ didn’t want T’Pring bonded to him, _ugh_. If he had to be bonded to anyone the least Sarek could have done was find someone who was actually good for Spock. Nyota would have been a better choice even if she’s not a Vulcan. They at least have things in common.

“Wait,” Jim says, realizing the implications of his thoughts. “What happened to T’Pring?” Something would have had to happen to her if she and Spock aren’t supposed to be bonded or whatever.

Spock’s lips tip up slightly, “you are my t’hy’la,” he says happily.

Jim frowns, “your what? What the hell is a ‘t’hy’la’?” The word sounds vaguely familiar, like it was in something he read, but it’s meaning alludes him. Nyota would know, she knows a freakish amount of languages including all the versions of Vulcan. Bless her for learning ancient Vulcan because that shit is a _mess_.

Spock lowers him to the ground but doesn’t let go of him. “I believe the closest translation to anything you would have heard is ‘soulmate.’” Spock tells him.

 _Soulmate_? “That’s really rare, even for humans,” he says. “How do you know?”

“T’Pau sensed a preliminary bond between us during our last melding session. That, and everything she described accurately reflected how I feel about you.”

His soulmate is Spock. Well, damn. Pretty sure if someone told him his soulmate was a Vulcan before he’d left for the planet Jim would have thrown a tantrum. Now he wouldn’t have it any other way. “ _God,_ I love you,” he tells Spock, leaning in and kissing him.

Spock kisses him back, one arm tightening around his waist and the other moving up his back until his hand is tangled in Jim’s hair. Spock has an obsession with it Jim swears, not that he minds all that much when he pulls at it like that. He allows Spock to tilt his head to the side as he kisses his way down Jim’s neck, teeth grazing his sensitive skin every so often. Spock’s hand moves from his hair to his jawline to his face and Jim nods, “s’okay,” he tells Spock, sensing what he wants.

“Jim,” Spock murmurs, voice sounding raw and Jim _swears_ he can feel the want.

“Its okay, Spock. Meld with me,” he says, pressing his hand over Spock’s. He feels Spock nod into his neck and then he’s _there_. He doesn’t expect to feel a near over _whelming_ amount of love from Spock as he pushes Jim backwards. Jim lets him, falling back onto his bed when he feels it against the back of his knees. He can feel Spock’s eagerness, his happiness as Jim’s emotions mingle with his own, as the sensations Jim is feeling mix with his own.

Jim pulls Spock in closer, delighting in the feeling of his bodyweight on him as he settles himself between Jim’s legs, hand on his hip as he kisses Jim with an amount of urgency that leaves him breathless. He curls his legs around Spock, desperate to get as close to him as he can inside and out when both of their concentration is jarred by a put upon sigh.

“Honestly Kirk if you wanted to get laid you could have given me a heads up and I would have went to Nyota’s instead,” someone- _Gaila_. Shit, he’d forgotten he invited her over.

“Um,” Jim says, blinking as Spock mostly breaks the meld between them. Must not break it all the way though because he can still feel Spock’s emotions stronger than he would normally. “Spock stopped by unexpectedly,” he tells her as she sits on his bed, curling her legs under herself as she grins.

“You two are gunna have pretty babies,” she says.

Spock frowns, “we’re not a reproductive couple.”

Jim snorts as _illogical_ crosses his mind. “I know that, smartass. So am I being kicked out or are you cool to hang out?” she asks, nonplussed in a way that has Spock doubly confused.

“Humans are a lot more embarrassed by sex than Orions,” Jim tells him. “You know that.”

He feels the knowledge click into place as Spock nods. “You act so human sometimes I forget you aren’t.”

Jim throws back his head and laughs. “Oh, if you ever went to earth you’d know there’s no mistaking Gaila for a human. We don’t come in green.”

“Yeah, humans are boring and only range from beige to dark brown. Personally I think green looks nicer,” she says, grinning.

“It does,” Jim agrees. “We’re being bonded next week!” he tells her excitedly. Gaila raises an eyebrow at that, directing her wordless question at Spock seems how he’s the one with the bond mate.

“Circumstances occurred,” he tells her. Jim would be offended if he didn’t sense a reason for holding back on information. He wants to talk to Gaila on his own- to _apologize_ and yeah, Jim thinks _that’s_ a couple years overdue but he’s happy that Spock came to his senses eventually.

*

Spock finds Gaila in the library because she’s surprisingly studious for someone with such a… _bubbly_ personality as Jim would say. By Vulcan standards she’d be written off as an imbicile thanks to her bright and emotional nature. Spock chides himself for not realizing her intelligence sooner given that she’s gone through the same schooling he has and their teachers would hardly mark her easier for being an outworlder.

“Gaila,” he says amicably. “Do you mind?” he asks, gesturing to the seat across from her. She looks at it and then back to Spock, surprised.

“Yeah, sure, go ahead,” she tells him.

He nods and sits across from her, remaining silent for a moment before gathering his thoughts. “I wanted to… apologize for my behavior towards you. Jim, he’s my t’hy’la, and while that doesn’t _excuse_ my actions I thought perhaps it might explain them. Regardless, I acted irrationally towards you and that was unacceptable.” He’s sure Nyota will be happy he finally got around to apologizing and even Jim thinks its overdue.

Gaila, unlike Jim, immediately knows what he’s talking about because he watches the information sink in. She nods sympathetically, “oh its fine, I get it. Orions go _bonkers_ when people go near our mates. It gets bad sometimes, real bloody so thanks for not taking my head off,” she says, accepting his response easily. Almost _too_ easily.

“That’s it?” he asks, frowning slightly. With emotional species he’s learned sometimes a simple apology isn’t enough so this feels… simple, too simple.

“I mean yeah, seriously, I wasn’t kidding about the way we view mates. Guess Vulcans are similar.”

He nods, “we are considerably territorial, yes. And I must admit I did consider bludgeoning you a few times.” More like every other day but she doesn’t need to know the extent of his irrationality.

Gaila laughs, not at all offended by his words. “Yeah, I figured that. Here’s the thing though, _what_ were you seeing that the rest of us weren’t? Because it was obvious that Jim was head over heels for you, probably always has been. He described kissing me as _practice_ once and I’m not stupid, I know he meant practicing to kiss _you_ so why did you consider me such a threat when it was so obvious to everyone else that Jim was never going to seriously date anyone but you?”

She looks genuinely curious and upon reflection of the evidence he has to agree with her. While Jim isn’t shy about stating his attractions his actions show a very clear distinction from his words. His mind shows a clear distinction too- Jim likes to flirt because he thinks its fun and its often another way to get under people’s skin and irritate them. By all means there was no real reason to consider Gaila a threat at any point. He sighs.

“I’m certain you are aware of your beauty,” he says.

Gaila rolls her eyes, “if that was it you’d be just as bonkers about Nyota but you aren’t. What’s the deal, Spock?”

He should have known her proficiency in reading body language would have told her she was missing something. Spock clenches his jaw just a little before releasing it. “You… are better suited to Jim than I am in nearly every way. You’re highly compatible and…” he trails off, not knowing how to phrase his worries.

“So you thought he’d leave you for someone who’s less Vulcan,” she finishes for him and yes, actually, that’s exactly it.

Spock nods, looking at the table. “I thought perhaps he’d be more comfortable with someone who feels free showing their emotions, who finds genuine joy in it. I will never have that.”

“You show emotion just fine Spock, you just do it the Vulcan way and Jim knows that. Besides, we get along well as friends but lovers? Jim’s too much the jealous and monogamous type for that. Its not like your comments about my species were totally wrong so Jim and I wouldn’t have been compatible in that was anyway. Vulcans mate for life though.”

“Do Orions not do the same when they find their mates?” She’d suggested they do, if they dislike others going near them.

Gaila shrugs, “finding them is so rare that no one thinks much of it. If you do then yeah, we’ll settle down at least for a time but its not totally unusual for bonded pairs to sleep around. There’s just a whole lot more boundaries that go into place when they do. Just don’t touch someone’s mate without permission from their partner unless you want to be ripped to shreds,” she says.

Spock will have no issue with that when he’s only ever wanted to be with Jim. “Fascinating. How long do bonded pairs settle for?” he asks, leaning forward with interest. Gaila lights up and happily tells him about the intricacies of t’hy’la bonds in her species. He finds her explanations genuinely interesting so he asks her more questions, pleased with her simple but detailed explanations.

By the time Jim and Nyota find them they’re debating the Teachings of Surak, a topic Gaila knows a shocking amount about and Spock finds himself thoroughly enjoying it. Gaila is much more intelligent than he’d given her credit for so he’s disappointed when their conversation comes to an end.

Nyota looks surprised as she glances between the two of them. “Were you two… talking?” she asks.

Gaila nods, “we were in the middle of a debate on the merits of the Teachings of Surak, which are total _shit_ , but the way.”

Spock opens his mouth to defend them when Jim covers it with his hand. “Baby, I know you have a lot of opinions but for my sake keep them inside.”

Nyota snorts and starts laughing, “wow, if there’s anyone I’d assume would _never_ be called that its definitely Spock. Nice to see you two getting along,” she says, sitting beside Gaila. Spock recognizes the look Gaila gives her and raises an eyebrow.

“What? I wasn’t kidding when I said she was hot. You’ve got eyes, you know this,” she says, gesturing to Nyota.

She’s not wrong about her beauty, though Spock feels unable to truly appreciate it when he knows no one will ever compare to his Jim.

*

Bones looks offended and Spock is having a hard time figuring out why. So is Jim if his confused look is any indication. “You got _married_?” he asks, flinging his hands into the air and waving them about. Spock has _no_ idea why humans do that and he’s grateful that none of the humans he spends time with do that a lot.

“I mean yeah, kind of,” Jim says.

“Its technically a preliminary bond,” Spock says, leaving _until my first pon farr_ out of it. Just because everyone in the room knows about it doesn’t mean he feels the need to speak about Vulcan mating practices. Not everyone is Gaila, who seems to have no such shame around her species sex practices. And Jim can tease him all he likes about it, but humans aren’t less secretive. They’ll make reference and joke about it sure, but the details are reserved for people they’re in close intimate relationships with if they tell anyone at all so its hardly like Vulcans are the only species that likes privacy.

“You got _married_ ,” Bones repeats, thankfully leaving out the hand flailing this time.

Jim sighs, “yeah Bones, I got married.” He can feel Jim’s bemusement and his fondness of Bones through their bond, and something beneath that too but he doesn’t investigate. Unlike Jim he’s not _rude_ so he doesn’t go rifling through other people’s minds because he thinks he’s found something interesting. Jim apparently acts just like he does inside his mind as he does outside of it. Spock doesn’t mind anyway, if he likes he can push Jim back out without a problem so its not much of an issue. Jim doesn’t care for being forcibly ejected but he can feel Spock’s general exasperated amusement when he does it so he hasn’t gotten offended about it so far. Probably because he’s aware of how irritating he can be sometimes.

“You got _married_ and you didn’t even invite me? And when the hell did your mother agree to this? And _your_ parents,” Bones says, turning to him.

“Vulcans form preliminary bonds at the age of seven, but as I had already met my t’hy’la the bond did not take. The only thing that’s unusual about this practice for me is my age and the fact that Jim is my t’hy’la,” he points out. Bones rolls his eyes but refrains from mumbling about Vulcans and practices he finds stupid. Spock has found he rarely means it anyway, even if he does have a general dislike of Vulcans. Not unusual for humans anyway, they have a hard time dealing with a species so unlike them and Vulcans react similarly.

“The _fuck_ is a t’hy’la?” Bones asks.

“Soulmate,” Jim tells him and Bones blinks several times rapidly. It’s a reaction Spock has noticed is rare on Jim and Nyota but it has happened. Usually it’s a reaction of shock and surprise, but sometimes anger and offense. This time Spock is certain that Bones is surprised rather than offended.

“I guess that shouldn’t be news, you two have been attached at the hip since you met. And don’t think I missed you not mention what Winona thinks of all this,” Bones says, hands on his hips as he regards Jim.

Jim turns a little red and Spock has the benefit of feeling the sheepishness that shows on his face. “I um. Forged her signature,” he mumbles almost too low for Bones to hear it but plenty loud enough for Spock to.

“Jim!” he says, finding he doesn’t know quite how to put his feelings into words.

Bones rolls his eyes, “why am I not shocked. Tell you what kid, you get a week to tell your mom but then I’m going to have to do it for you. How’s that sound?”

“Horrible,” Jim says, “why’s she need to know anyway?” A feeling of petulant anger clouds his mind for a moment and it surprises Spock. Jim, to his knowledge, has never had a good relationship with his mother but he didn’t think it was an actively bad relationship for him. The storm cloud of his mind indicates otherwise.

Bones must know more than he does because he looks sympathetic. “Jim you know I can’t keep something like that from her,” he says, voice edging the closest to gentle he’s ever heard it go. Probably reserved for Jim only given that Bones is as sociable as a Vulcan.

For a moment Jim considers it, thoughts moving too fast for Spock to grasp any of them until he finds what he believes is a suitable solution and grins. Bones already looks like he regrets his choice to challenge Jim and more than that he looks resigned to the results of his actions. “You tell mom I’ll tell her you let me do drugs,” he says, grinning.

“Its was _pot_!” Bones says, offended.

Jim doesn’t look dissuaded at all, “still drugs,” he says. Spock has to admit it’s a good plan as most humans dislike their teens getting into mind altering substances regardless of their legality or illegality. Jim grins at him, “thanks, Spock,” he says, enthused with his newfound ability to react to things no one else in the room can sense as no one _else_ has a direct link into his mind. Jim finds it endlessly amusing to either talk with him directly through their link or respond to him out loud, leaving everyone else missing the context for his words. Spock lets him have his fun because he knows Jim will get bored of it eventually.

“What?” Bones asks, looking between the two. It takes a second but the knowledge does come to him. “I thought only like, real married bonded pairs could do that, talk to each other through that mental link?”

“Usually that is the case,” Spock tells him, “but as Jim is my t’hy’la the bond is significantly stronger. We have found that it has acted as something of a shortcut in regards to both the speed at which bonded pairs learn to navigate each other’s minds and also speak to each other through the link. Though I could do without dreaming.” Bones squints at him for a moment, obviously confused. “Vulcans do not dream,” he explains. And Jim, as always, is rather _distracting_ in the mind. His dreams are no exception and they are exceptionally cinematic. Spock is happy that his mind doesn’t vividly hallucinate every night because its _tiring_ at least to a Vulcan.

“Sorry,” Jim says, cheeks a little red and given the state of his dreams last night Spock can guess why. He’ll learn to put up mental shields eventually, Spock is sure, if for no other reason than not wanting Spock in his head all the time. Their link tells him otherwise but Spock knows from experience that the novelty wears off and sometimes people just want to shower alone.

The bond tells him Jim _strongly_ disagrees with that, but that is only because he hasn’t considered the lack of practicality of showering with another person.

Jim gives him a knowing look before he turns back to Bones, “so do we have a deal?” he asks.

He rolls his eyes, “you’ll have to tell her eventually,” is all he says. Spock feels the bright spot of Jim’s triumphant happiness and allows him to have it if only for a moment. He’s certain Jim’s actions will come back to haunt him but he’s learned with Jim its best he just learns his lesson as he doesn’t respond well to being lectured. “But you two stiffed me good so you’re going to get married the human way and I’m the best man,” Bones says, apparently still offended.

Jim shrugs, “yeah alright, whenever we get around to it you can be my best man,” he says amicably.


	3. Chapter 3

_17_

Jim didn’t really anticipate learning that Sarek actually _does_ care about Spock through him not at all subtly leaving VSA brochures all over the place. He doesn’t seem impressed that Jim finds them a lot more interesting than Spock does, but its Amanda who finally says something. “You’re going to be done school soon,” she says casually as she reads the news. She doesn’t look up from her reading, probably going for less threatening but that doesn’t really work much on a Vulcan. Spock takes note of her approach but doesn’t interpret it the same way a human would. God, Jim has no idea how _any_ Vulcan can act like Spock is at all human outside of biological makeup.

When Spock isn’t immediately happy about the thought Jim finds himself happy too. Its nice, not seeing him vie so much for Vulcan approval these days. He seems happier for it and Jim’s happy if Spock is happy and not just because their bad moods sometimes affect each other.

“I am,” Spock says. He only responds because he can sense that Amanda was waiting for something.

“Well, what are your plans?” Amanda asks when Spock doesn’t elaborate.

“I’m considering my options,” he says and Jim snickers. Spock gives him a quizzical look, noting that Jim is obviously seeing something he isn’t.

“You can tell Sarek that he’s probably going to go to the Vulcan Science Academy but kept his options open because its _logical_ to not stick all his eggs in one basket,” Jim tells her.

Amanda looks marginally relieved. “Oh, well that’s good. What about you, Jim?”

“Same,” he says, minus considering other options because fuck logic. Also his grades are more than good enough for acceptance anyway.

“Why am I not surprised?” she asks, bemused. “Didn’t take you for the research type, though. That’s more Spock’s thing.”

“Yes, his mother thinks the same but Jim is adamant that he will be happy labeling soil samples,” Spock says, a note of disapproval in his voice.

“Yeah, I’m sure I’ll find something more exciting than _dirt_ to play around with,” Jim says. “Give me at least a _little_ credit. Besides, going there doesn’t guarantee I’d end up in research anyway.” There are plenty more options than that and he’s considered those too, thanks.

Amanda frowns, thoughts probably reflecting Spock’s. Namely that he’ll hate it there and maybe he will, but that’s better than his mom’s plan of join Starfleet because his dad was a good captain for twelve minutes.

When Sarek gets home Jim is treated to watching a Vulcan try and express joy and happiness without breaking his Vulcan calm while Spock considers the possibility that his father has brain damage.

*

Jim looks around at his friends, their forms spilling out all over Bones’ kitchen table while they all scramble to properly fill out applications. “Seriously?” he asks, looking at Gaila specifically.

“What? Just because you’ve got a weird hate boner for Starfleet doesn’t mean the rest of us do,” she says.

“Please stop describing everything as some type of ‘boner,’” Spock tells her but not unkindly. Jim smiles a little, happy that they managed to not just put aside their differences but actively ended up friends out of it. Spock talks to her almost as much as Nyota, more depending on the topic. And for her part Gaila reacted surprisingly well to Spock’s explanation for his acting like a total dick hole.

“Is this because you’re still mad at how illogical you found her description of being happy? Because I personally _loved_ heart boners,” he says, grinning. Spock looks annoyed but the description was accurate, that’s hardly Gaila’s fault. Spock disagrees but Spock wouldn’t know a heart boner if it bit him in the ass. Spock also disagrees with _that_ but he’s entitled to his wrong opinion.

“It makes no sense,” Spock says.

“I thought it was fun,” Nyota interjects. “What?” she asks when they all look at her, surprised. Except Spock, he feels surprised but looks no different than he normally does.

“You rarely side with Gaila over Spock. Usually its us against you two,” Jim points out.

Nyota smiles, “sometimes I like to switch things up. And the description was cute,” she adds.

Jim does his best not to snort when Spock wonders if Gaila’s pheromones are killing Nyota’s brain cells.

_18_

Jim waits nervously for Spock, barely paying attention to his chess game with Nyota. “I’m sure it went fine,” she says, moving a pawn. Jim doesn’t even pay attention to the piece he moves, distracted.

“His shields are up, they’re never up.” Not with him, not usually anyway. The exception is before bed and mostly because he doesn’t like to dream. Spock told him his inability to turn off even when his body has forcibly shut down is disquieting. He’d be offended except if he’d never dreamed before and then fell into someone _else’s_ dreams he probably wouldn’t like that much either. And Spock is so _aware_ of his dreams too, always pointing out when something is illogical or makes no sense when dreams weren’t _meant_ to make sense. But they aren’t sleeping and Spock never shuts him out like this so he’s _worried_.

“Jim, if they let you in they’ll let Spock in. You got accused of every kind of academic dishonesty there is,” she points out. Yeah, alright, he hadn’t been _happy_ about that per se but he’d expected it from Vulcans. They like to think they’re the only ones smart enough to get into a school as prestigious as VSA but they aren’t. And even if he wasn’t smart enough he’s sure shit stubborn enough to get through it just to prove a point. He doubts that any of the Vulcans doing the interrogation enjoyed his happily answering all their questions with ease let alone begrudgingly admitting him to the school.

“Yeah, but _still_. He only blocks me out if he thinks I’m not going to like something.” Like when he’d decided to enlist at Starfleet. He’d managed to do applications with Gaila and Nyota while somehow managing to keep him in the dark despite a telepathic bond until Gaila outed him.

“Or because he doesn’t want to be distracted at the moment. There are more rational explanations than whatever you’re cooking up in your head,” Nyota tells him.

He rolls his eyes at her very Vulcan take on things mostly because he doesn’t want to admit that she’s right. When Spock finally does let his shields down he feels uneasy and Jim doesn’t like that either. Nyota mostly only sighs and follows him when he all but runs off, probably guessing correctly that he can finally feel Spock again.

Spock doesn’t look less uneasy when Jim finds him and his anxiety only increases when Spock notices him. Jim ignores the way his heart squeezes as he all but runs up to him, “are you alright?” he asks, feeling the ridiculous urge to prod at Spock when he can see he’s not actively hurt.

“I’m fine,” he says, circling an arm around Jim’s waist to calm him. Doesn’t work but he appreciates the effort.

“Well?” Nyota asks, raising an eyebrow.

The fact that Spock doesn’t respond right away, and that he partially puts his shields back up, doesn’t say anything good to Jim. “I turned them down,” he says eventually. “For Starfleet.”

Nyota nods, accepting this easily but Jim frowns.

“Why?”

Spock’s jaw clenches almost imperceptibly. “When reviewing my application I was told that I had done well, for having such a disadvantage.” Jim’s jaw clenches as Spock’s arm circles tighter around his waist. “I had already made my decision after the way Jim had been treated, but felt it would be best to at least finish the process. I… believe I have made the right choice.” His words are hesitant because he doesn’t want to disappoint Jim, he realizes, or his father. He’s surprised to find that Spock cares more about disappointing him than Sarek and Jim shakes his head.

“You know I’ll love you no matter what you do. And I’d probably walk out too,” he says. What a bunch of bastards, acting like Spock being half human is a disadvantage to him somehow. Especially when he’s thoroughly Vulcan.

“You would not. In fact, when you’d been handed similar treatment you decided it was most pressing to prove them wrong and then did so, as is often your response to events like this.”

Nyota smiles, “Gaila will be happy that she hasn’t lost her study buddy.”

Jim can’t help the stab of resentment he feels at that but shoves it down because that’s not fair to Gaila. Spock made the right choice and he’d never fault him for that. He feels a small spark of amusement from Spock and yeah yeah, the irony of the situation isn’t lost on him but _still_.

*

Spock, if he were human, would probably be pacing around right now but he isn’t so instead he’s standing stock still like that’s not fucking creepy at all. Jim lets him do his thing because he doesn’t really have much input here. Its not like he disagrees with Spock’s assessment that Sarek isn’t going to be happy about his decision to join Starfleet and neither of them can do anything about it. Probably why Spock is chanting _it is illogical to feel anxiety over outcomes you cannot control_ over and over again despite the fact that he’s doing a bad job convincing himself of that. Amanda had reacted well at least, a lot better than Jim thought she was going to not that he expected a bad reaction. But he didn’t expect her to smile wide and hug Spock tight like he’d just made some sort of earth shattering decision either.

By the time Sarek has gotten home Spock has come up with a half a dozen different lies to tell him but they all fly out of his head when he sees his father. Not that he’d lie anyway, but he _could_ despite what Vulcans like to claim. Sarek looks expectant and Amanda winces behind him. It occurs to Jim that her shields must be up because Sarek should have, or at least _could_ have picked up on Spock’s decision from her mind but he clearly hasn’t. Spock somehow manages to stand even more still and Jim wishes he would stop that because it doesn’t look natural.

“I’m joining Starfleet,” Spock says, edging as close to blurting that out as a Vulcan can manage. So bluntly stating it.

Sarek looks surprised and then turns to Amanda with something akin to confusion on his face. So her shields weren’t up after all, at least not all the way if he’d sensed her happiness from earlier. He doesn’t say anything though, not to her anyway. “That suits you,” Sarek tells Spock after a long moment and Jim can’t tell if the amount of shock in his mind is fully Spock or if he’s just as surprised as Spock.

“I thought you’d be… disappointed,” Spock says, not particularly fond of his choice of words but without a better way to put it.

“You are my son, and I would accept whatever choice you thought was the most logical,” he says. Jim’s eyebrows hit his hairline because that’s the closest thing to ‘I love you no matter what’ he’s _ever_ heard Sarek say. Hell, it’s the _only_ time he’s ever expressed any kind of affection towards Spock to his knowledge and to Spock’s. Behind him Amanda looks unreasonably pleased, smile threatening to split her face in a way Spock finds unnatural but Jim thinks its sweet. Sarek chooses to be the one to break the moment. “I suppose you got in too, since you aren’t sulking.”

Rude, he’d never sulk. Okay, so he would but still. “Yeah. Pretty sure they’re gunna look for any reason to kick me out, but yeah.”

Sarek looks vaguely disturbed. “I feel a great deal of sorrow for the Vulcans that will have to deal with you,” he says like Spock isn’t _bonded_ to him. Spock thinks its funny though, and agrees.

“Oh, so Sarek gets a free pass, hmm?” Jim asks, raising an eyebrow at Spock. Normally he feels the distinct urge to crush something when someone insults him.

“Jim. No Vulcan is prepared to deal with your… bright personality,” he says after a moment. Wise choice in words so Jim lets it slide this time.

“Its considered impolite to reference conversations better left between bond mates,” Sarek tells him.

“Sarek, we both know by now that I don’t care about niceties,” he points out.

*

Spock is sitting at his desk doing his best to ignore Jim through their bond when his father knocks on the door. His presence surprises him but he gestures for him to come in anyway. He’ll serve as a sufficient distraction from Jim’s bright mind for the time being and he supposes he should get whatever this is over with. He’d already been surprised that he hadn’t been disowned but perhaps he’d been too quick to judge that.

“When I was your age I wanted adventure too,” Sarek says. Spock frowns slightly because that doesn’t sound very much like the man he knows. “Be logical Spock, how else would a Vulcan end up married to a human woman? Certainly not because I wanted to be the pinnacle of Vulcan propriety,” he points out.

Of course that is the most logical conclusion, but that doesn’t explain the way he’s acted toward Spock his whole life. “But you expected me to be?” he asks, confused. There is some type of logical explanation, there always is, but he can’t see it at the moment.

Sarek shakes his head. “No. But I was aware of the challenges you would face due to your heritage. It occurred to me that I could potentially mitigate that damage if I raised you the Vulcan way, ensured there was no reason to question of whether or not you were truly Vulcan but I miscalculated Vulcan xenophobia.” He pauses for a moment, obviously considering his words before he continues. “And it appears that I have done so at great cost to our relationship.”

He looks saddened, or as close to saddened as a Vulcan can manage after years of training not to show any emotion on their face. Mostly its around the eyes and Spock realizes with something of a start that _all_ Vulcan emotions are expressed around the eyes. It sheds a new light on the teasing he’d received for his supposedly human eyes when in actuality he’d expressed his emotions the way _every_ Vulcan does. The difference was not him at all, but the knowledge of his heritage. Miscalculating Vulcan xenophobia indeed.

“Its not adventure I crave,” he tells his father. Sarek looks up and waits for Spock to continue, clearly invested in his words. It’s a strange feeling to have his full attention but he doesn’t say anything. Neither of them need to. “What I desire is an environment in which I am judged for my abilities rather than my heritage and I will never get that here. Starfleet allows me an opportunity to be seen for merit, not biology.” The adventure has always been secondary to finding a place where he doesn’t constantly feel the need to prove himself the way he does on Vulcan. And he will never be good enough, he knows that now. For years he’s been nothing but the perfect Vulcan except in Jim’s company and only when they’re on their own but that doesn’t matter. It will never matter, his meeting at the VSA proved it.

He’s found that he’s done trying to jump through arbitrary illogical hoops when he will never jump enough of them to meet a nonexistent standard. The most logical solution is to go where his heritage doesn’t matter. Starfleet is diverse and invested in appreciating the differences between species and cultures rather than assimilating them to a given dominant culture under threat of ostracization. He will be the only Vulcan there and that won’t be pleasant, but he suspects it will be less unpleasant than hearing that he’d done exactly what all Vulcans do, but it comes as a surprise because he’s half human.

Sarek nods. “Most logical. They will be better for your presence.” He pauses again and something akin to amusement shines in his eyes. “I suspect Jim will make VSA regret admitting him,” he says.

Spock nods, “they likely regret it already. You know how he is.” And recently Spock has learned that Jim has an unconscious reaction to act more human in a given situation if its considered unacceptable just to prove he can be human and intelligent too. That will make for an interesting experience in the VSA for the Vulcans and for Jim.

“How did he react to Starfleet? If I remember correctly he’s not fond of the organization,” Sarek says. There’s an undercurrent of something else too, but he doesn’t need to ask for Spock to know he’s wondering if Spock has considered the logistics of his life if Jim is on Vulcan and he’s in space on Starfleet missions. He has, of course, but he has no solution yet. He won’t need to come up with one until he graduates the Academy so he has time.

“Jim has no problem with Starfleet- his problem is with living in his father’s shadow and that’s not difficult to do when your father is regarded as a hero by a whole organization. He reacted well though, better than I would have anticipated. I doubt he’s considered the possibility of me being gone for years at a time on Starfleet missions but we have time to figure that out.” They may not have as long as they’d like to figure it out, but they do have time.

They sit in companionable silence for a long few moments before Sarek speaks again. “Jim is not going to like being here without you,” he says. Spock can sense there’s an implication to the words but he can’t quite figure out what it is.

“Jim is… _adept_ in figuring out what he wants and then doing it. If he dislikes being here he will leave.” Jim isn’t the type to attach himself to a place anyway, his home has always been with the people he cares about.

“And he will do so in spectacular fashion,” Sarek says. “But do not find yourself surprised if he ends up in Starfleet too. He may not like living in a shadow but Jim Kirk is not the type to be outdone. If you are patient he will come back to you.”

Of course he will, Spock never suspected anything less.

*

Jim isn’t stupid so he’s been avoiding his mom. She’ll ask about Starfleet again and he’ll tell her he’s not enlisting again and then they’ll end up arguing over his choice to go to VSA again and he doesn’t have the time or patience for it. That doesn’t mean he’s always so lucky to avoid her forever though so when he runs into her in the kitchen he figures it was only a matter of time. She doesn’t say anything for a tense moment but when she finally does Jim clenches his jaw.

“I think you’re making a mistake,” she says, going for gentle but Jim doesn’t care how nice she’s trying to be she’s still butting into his life.

“Good thing I don’t care what you think,” he tells her. Its harsh, maybe too harsh, but this isn’t the first time they’ve had this discussion and he’d like it to be the last.

“Jim!” she says, more offended than he thinks she’s got a right to be when its her fault he’s even going anywhere but Starfleet anyway. If she never moved to Vulcan to further her damn obsession with what happened to his father and the surrounding events of that day then he wouldn’t _be_ here to want to go to the Vulcan Science Academy. He’d probably just go to community college or something.

“We’ve had this argument like twelve fucking times mom, how many more times do I have to tell you I’m not my fucking father, alright! I’m _Jim_ Kirk, not _George_ Kirk and I’ll make my own damn choices about what I want to do with my life and its not being a captain of a fucking starship!” Or anything else to do with Starfleet but he doesn’t tell her that because she can probably figure that out on her own.

Winona sighs, “I know you aren’t George honey, but I do genuinely think you’d do well in Starfleet. Can’t you just talk to a couple people, see if maybe you’ll fit in?” she asks with too much hope in her voice.

“No! Why is it so hard for you to believe that I’m doing what I want with my life? Its not like I’ve done _anything_ but what I want to do,” he points out. If living on Vulcan has taught him anything its that he’s damn stubborn about being what he wants to be regardless of what everyone else thinks of that. Its not exactly easy to be human on a planet of people who don’t actively express emotions.

“Because I just can’t see you enjoying a life of… whatever you end up doing at VSA. You’re bright and curious and adventurous- you were never meant to life a life on Vulcan,” she says, almost pleads.

Jim rolls his eyes, “then you shouldn’t have brought me here. If you had’ve just given up chasing dead ends with dad then this never would have happened. Hell, maybe you could have gotten remarried and had a good life on Earth but you didn’t, you just _had_ to go digging around chasing fairy tales.”

Winona’s jaw clenches and anger flashes over her features for a moment before she calms herself. “Wouldn’t you do the same for Spock?” she asks quietly.

And here’s the thing, Jim has thought about that long and hard because it’s a real possibility that something like what happened to his dad will happen to Spock. And hell, he’d considered what he’d do even before Spock enlisted because he’s spent his whole life steeped in it. “Yeah, probably. But I wouldn’t ever drag my kid into it and rub his nose in how much he’s supposedly like Spock all the fucking time like expect him to _be_ Spock instead of his own person and then get mad when he has a mind of his own. God mom, can’t you _actually_ consider how I feel for ten fucking seconds? I get that losing dad must have been awful, I really can’t say I know how you feel. But I do know how it feels to live in the ruins of a dead man’s legacy and I wouldn’t ever do that to my kid,” he says honestly.

If it was his life he was fucking up yeah, he doubts he’d ever let Spock go, wouldn’t ever stop looking for answers. But if they had a kid? Then he’d have a responsibility to that kid and he wouldn’t go dragging that kid through the dirt over an obsession he’ll never get answers to. He’d focus on doing the best he can to make sure his kid was happy and cared for even if he felt like he was falling apart. _That’s_ what’s fair.

His words make an impact because she winces. “Jim, I never wanted you to feel that way,” she says, reaching out to him but its way too late for that.

He takes a step back, “I’m never going to have anything to do with Starfleet so make your damn peace with it,” he tells her before he walks away.

_19_

Gaila watches as Spock deals with some poor Orion desperately trying to hit on him, not that its working. First of all Spock doesn’t even _know_ what she’s trying to do because he’s not exactly familiar with Orion behavior and she’s found her time on Vulcan resulted in her being a lot more… reserved than her peers. She didn’t think that was the case until she left and it was culture shock all over again when she found out that, despite her being incredibly open by Vulcan standards, she’s pretty private by Orion standards.

Still, watching Spock deal with an Orion trying to crawl into his pants is probably the best entertainment she’s gotten since Spock made three of their classmates cry when he kept asking questions during a presentation they’d done.

“That Orion is barking up the wrong tree,” Nyota says, sitting beside her. “Do you think we should tell her?”

Gaila snorts, “and risk her telling the rest of the Orion hivemind that Spock is closed for business? Nope. This is funny.”

Nyota shakes her head but lets her have it. “I had no idea Orions were so social,” she says.

Gaila nods, “much more so than humans. I forgot how much we all talked to each other and after all that time on Vulcan its kind of… a lot.” Spock had found the whole situation hilarious and informed them that this is how Vulcans felt when confronted with their species- out of place and a little confused as to what the hell is going on. She figures she’ll give Vulcans a _little_ credit because it is genuinely jarring to go from sort of social in one friend group to being expected to get along with an entire species just because everyone talks to each other so much.

“The amount you hide in our room told me that. Have you noticed he’s popular with humans too?” she asks.

“And Andorians,” Gaila says, nodding. “Honestly, Spock is the Hot Girl- you know the type, the one that goes from being obscure to the most attractive girl in school in all those movies you claim you hate.” Nyota is a strange breed but Gaila wouldn’t have her any other way. Plus human movies are actually a lot of fun, definitely a thousand times more interesting than any type of media that Vulcan produces.

Nyota sighs and slumps a little. “I don’t like them, its just what we had to watch in the house,” she says primly. Gaila lets her believe that because she’s a good friend and partner. “But you’re right. Spock _is_ the hot girl. Doesn’t help that he’s taken to wearing all black instead of normal Vulcan clothing.”

Yeah, Vulcan clothes look kind of out of place here so she’d taken it upon herself to take Spock shopping with her for some new clothes. Predictably Spock chose a practical wardrobe that’s all black so he didn’t have to consider matching things in the morning. Efficient, he’d said. Except Spock looks exceptionally good in black and everyone has noticed but him.

“He’d look better in Jim’s leather jacket,” she says. Nyota nods in agreement and Gaila finds herself happy once again that she’s so accepting. Humans, they like to sleep around but when they pair up they tend to make it exclusive to the point of being upset when their partner finds someone else attractive. To her that kind of exclusivity feels unnatural and Nyota has been surprisingly gracious in her acceptance of that. Not bringing people back to their room is a good compromise for her and she understands that Nyota likes privacy in her own space.

“How do you think Jim will react to this, speaking of?” Nyota asks.

Gaila has _no_ idea but if she’s learned anything about Jim Kirk in their years of friendship its that whatever he ends up doing will be spectacular and probably hilarious. “Hiss like a sehlat who’s food is late,” she says.

Nyota throws her head back and laughs. “Oh yeah, that’s probably true. How do you think _Spock_ will react when he figures out everyone keeps trying to sleep with him?”

“Horror and disgust,” Gaila says without hesitation.

*

Jim doesn’t expect the first thing he runs into to be a particularly randy Orion but Gaila saves him quick, thankfully. “He’s taken,” she says, sliding up behind him and smiling nicely. That doesn’t seem to deter his companion.

“I don’t mind sharing,” she says, looking Jim up and down like he’s a meal. He’s pretty sure his face is bright red with some type of emotion and he can’t tell if its flattery or embarrassment.

“Oh no, not by me otherwise I wouldn’t mind sharing either. I mean come on, look at him. He’s with the Vulcan though and he’s his mate. Best to back off,” she says.

The reaction is instant and it’s a sharp step backwards, “yeah, I’m not about to tangle with a Vulcan,” she says and walks off. Jim blinks, unsure what the hell just happened.

“Don’t worry, you’re at least safe from the Orions now even if I’m sad I also saved Spock from them,” she says, pouting a little.

Jim frowns because _what_?

A couple hours later he sees what she means as he watches Spock fend himself off from the third person who has attempted to hit on him. Spock has only just started to pick up the hints, Jim can feel that through their bond, and he also picks up that this happens a _lot_. Spock sits beside him looking marginally relieved while Jim crosses his arms over his chest. “When the hell were you going to tell me you’re everyone’s crush?” he asks. And here he was at school thinking Spock was as invisible as ever when in reality everyone has been trying to sleep with him. He knows his jealousy is irrational because Spock would never take them up on it but _still_.

“About the same time you were going to tell me that you have weekly lunch meetings with my father,” he says.

Yeah, right. He can’t say he anticipated _Sarek_ being the parent who suffered from empty nest syndrome but he seems to have figured out that the next best thing to his kid being home is Jim so now he’s stuck with Spock’s father up his ass all the time. He did get an apartment out of the deal though so he’s not complaining. “He misses you,” Jim tells him, “and that is _so_ not on par with literally the entire student body finding you fuckable.”

“Its illogical to be angry with other people’s perceptions of me,” Spock says like Jim doesn’t have enough brain cells to figure that out on his own.

“Well, you do look like _that_ ,” he says, gesturing to Spock’s all black outfit. Black looks nice against his pale skin and it makes his dark hair and eyes stand out that much more. Plus it makes him look more severe, but not in a bad way. More like kind of a mysterious bad boy kind of way and Jim needs to stop thinking about this in public.

Spock looks down at himself, “I am merely wearing clothing. I don’t understand why you and Gaila are so attached to my style of dress. I chose practical items in a practical color. I would not have thought anyone would find the decision… titillating.”

“To be fair Jim would find you wearing anything titillating but you _do_ genuinely look good in black,” Nyota says.

“The way you all experience attraction baffles me,” Spock says, shaking his head. “But at least I know the source of the problem now so I may rectify it.”

Jim puts a hand on his thigh, “I’d prefer you didn’t. Seriously, black is your color. You can just spend the next two days making sure everyone knows you’re taken,” he says, wiggling himself further into Spock’s personal space.

“I wasn’t intending to leave my room for the duration of your visit so that may be troublesome,” Spock tells him, meaning shining through the bond and yeah alright, Jim can manage that.

“Thanks for that, guys,” Nyota mumbles.

Gaila grins though, “if you need snacks let me know!” she says excitedly.

_20_

Jim fucking _hates_ being away from Spock for so long and he’d thought about this a lot, actually. Sarek had been surprisingly helpful during the whole process and honestly if Jim was told five years ago that he’d be bouncing ideas of what the hell to do with his life off of _Sarek_ he’d have called that person a liar. But he’d been useful in figuring out the logic and logistics of his situation even if he’d spent a good amount of time trying to talk Jim into talking Spock into a career in politics. Obviously that was never going to work but Sarek misses Spock terribly so Jim let him think it was a possibility for a little while.

But it’d been him that had talked Jim into Starfleet. He’d resisted the idea for a good while, well over a year but its hard to be away from Spock and he has a genuine interest in other planets. It’d been logical, according to Sarek, to be close to his t’hy’la in a career that allowed him to better explore his interests than VSA would. And when the topic of his father had come up Jim will never quite forget the way Sarek shook his head and told him that if he really thought he’d ever be held back by his father’s name and legacy its because he doesn’t know himself very well.

He’d never tell Sarek, or anyone else for that matter, but the genuine conviction on his face when he told Jim he’d outshine his father and fast had made him cry later when there were no Vulcans around to witness it. He figures its because it came from _Sarek_ , the one person in his life that’s the least likely to tell him whatever they thought he’d want to hear. Hell, Sarek is the person least likely in his life to tell him anything positive about himself too, even if they’ve learned to appreciate each other in Spock’s absence because they both miss him and refuse to show it.

And that’s how he finds himself in Spock’s class grinning at him from the front of the room. Spock looks confused, probably because he knows that Jim enlisted but not how many credits he’d been able to transfer. Technically Jim is ahead of Spock in the Academy and he finds that _hilarious_. Even if he has to make up a bunch of earlier classes to keep up with command track- doesn’t matter. He’ll fly through that easy.

Spock tentatively pushes his confusion in Jim’s direction and he’s joined by Nyota, who also looks confused when she walks into the room. “What are you doing here?” she asks.

“Lovely to see you too,” he says, laughing.

“You only _just_ got here, why are you in this class?” she asks, eyes narrowed. Spock’s questioning presence grows stronger the longer Nyota gives him the side eye.

“Oh, I’m not in this class. I’m the TA for this class,” he tells her. Shock echoes through his bond with Spock and Jim grins wider.

“You’re kidding,” Nyota says.

Jim shakes his head, “nope. I had a lot of transfer credits so I’m pretty ahead,” he says.

And the _scandal_ that had resulted when he’d left. If there was anything that pissed off the VSA more than Spock being the first Vulcan to turn down admittance it was Jim being the first outworlder to drop out even if he technically transferred. But man, nothing is more fun than pissing Vulcans off even if it hadn’t been an intentional act. Actually, Jim realizes, he probably wouldn’t have irritated them on purpose anyway and that’s interesting. Well, he had to mature some time.

Nyota looks annoyed, “don’t be a dick about marking,” she tells him like he’d be the one marking her work anyway. He’d already let the appropriate people know that he’s good friends with Nyota and that Spock is his soulmate so he wouldn’t be in charge of their work anyway.

“Oh, I definitely will,” he tells her, laughing as she looks resigned. She goes and sits beside Spock, giving him a couple jealous looks that make him smile. Spock doesn’t say or do anything, he just showers Jim with pride and happiness through their bond.

_24_

Spock watches as Jim winces at the question, tense. He doubts the outcome of this inquiry will result in anything _bad_ for Jim but the chance is still there, even if he’d worked it out to approximately a five percent chance of expulsion. “Yes, I tossed Pike out of the Captain’s chair,” he says honestly.

“And the crew listened to you,” the Admiral states, not asks.

Jim nods, “I think I must have talked fast enough for everyone to get the information they needed to assume I knew what I was talking about.”

“And did you?” the Admiral asks.

“I had incomplete information, but was able to make a few inferences based on what I’d seen so far.” Jim is hoping honesty will be to his benefit and Spock is hoping so too.

“That ship wasn’t equipped to deal with combat situations,” the Admiral says.

Jim nods again. “by the time I had worked out a plan Vulcan had managed to send out a distress call that had resulted in Federation ships being fired at. Comms were down so we had no way of talking to them, but I’d noticed that the Nerada only seemed to have long range weapons capabilities. I suspected the ship’s power was mostly being rerouted to the weapon they were looking to destroy Vulcan with not that I knew exactly what it was doing to the planet at the time. But I had realized if we got past that firing range there was a good chance we could sit in a zone where the Nerada was unable to fire at us without rerouting power away from their other weapons.”

“That’s a risk,” the Admiral points out.

“It was, yes. But at that point Vulcan was in serious distress so I had no time to consider that we were going to be sitting ducks, we needed to act so I did.” And he’d succeeded too, despite having gone through several versions of a similar event of Spock’s own creation. The intent had been to teach command track students to deal with genuine stress and fear though Jim had immediately found a way out of that. Spock had initially been irritated, the point was that sometimes there are no win scenarios and Jim was in a no win scenario staring at Vulcan. He’d either kill his entire crew or an entire planet was going to die. But instead of that being the case Jim’s fast actions saved Vulcan, if only barely, and none of the crew died. There were serious injuries but no deaths.

Spock can’t even begin to imagine how Jim thought through all that as fast as he had and he has a direct link into Jim’s mind. As it was they’d been lucky that Jim had been able to recognize both the ship and the lightening storm that the Nerada brought with it, which he suspects is the only reason Jim had been able to act as fast as he had. No one else knew they were about to be ambushed, but Jim happened to be five steps ahead because he already knew who was behind the attack and at least some of their weapons capabilities.

The Admiral nods. “This might have been the most impressive stunt I’ve ever seen someone pull off.” He shakes his head, clearly at something of a loss.

“It was just good luck, sir,” Jim says, “nothing more and nothing less.”

Spock disagrees, and he can see that everyone _else_ disagrees too.

*

“Holy shit,” Jim says, walking into the living room to find Nyota and Gaila sitting there anxiously. Spock too, but he could feel that though the bond.

“Well _what_?” Gaila asks, leaning forward wide eyed.

“I uh. Well, um… I, god I can’t believe…”

“Spit it out already. God, your flair for the dramatic is irritating,” Nyota mumbles.

“I’m officially Captain of the _Enterprise_ ,” he says, shocked. Spock looks vaguely rattled, the Vulcan equivalent of shocked, but Gaila and Nyota both look relieved and then excited.

“Seriously?” Nyota says, smile growing wider. “Congratulations!”

He grins, allowing the news to sink in. “Oh that’s not all. Turns out saving a planet gets you a lot of pull so you guys are on the-”

“I _refuse_ to allow my career to start with an act of nepotism,” Nyota says, holding up her hand.

Jim snorts, “give me more credit than that Nyota, you’re the best in the Academy with languages except maybe Spock but he’d make a better Science Officer so he already has a job. Which makes sense for him too- like I’d just decide to hire all my friends if I didn’t genuinely think you’d be good at your jobs,” he says, shaking his head. What a bad way to start any type of crew, and then there’d be the inevitable tensions between them and the rest of the crew. As it is he’ll need to work to convince people he didn’t hire them due to their friendship and he’s fine with that because he’s genuinely sure of their capabilities the way he’s sure of _all_ his crew’s capabilities. But he’d never create that level of unnecessary tension on his crew or his friends.

“Nyota,” Spock murmurs quietly. “He has hired you out of a genuine interest in your skillset. In fact he’s done a great deal of consideration in hiring us due to how easy claims of nepotism are, but concluded that he should not pass over our records simply because he happened to be know us all since childhood.”

It takes a moment but Nyota relaxes. “You actually considered my record?” she asks, eyebrow raised and clearly ready to give him the third degree.

“Yeah, obviously. I had to do a lot of explaining why I chose fresh graduates for usually senior positions but all of your records are the kind of exemplary that would have launched you into that kind of job anyway, and everyone else on your crew has a bunch of experience in the field to balance it out. I expect all of you to know when you need the expertise of someone with more experience than you.” The only one he sees having trouble with that is Spock and only because he’s not really good at asking for help _or_ deferring to someone else’s expertise but he’ll learn. “Also I’ve arranged for all of us to have temporary field placements before we’re officially assigned to the _Enterprise_ so that we at least have _some_ knowledge of how to do things before we’re thrown into space.”

They all let that sink in for a moment before Gaila breaks the silence. “Wow, I never thought I’d see _Jim Kirk_ make mature decisions,” she says eventually. “But I’d like to point out that I’m not exactly an exemplary cadet. I’m good, but not Spock or Nyota good.”

Jim nods, “you have kind of a unique position, actually. I’ve read your research on body language and culture and how those things affect how different species view each other. It didn’t take much convincing to point out that kind of research in invaluable for First Contact situations. You’re in a research position and you’ll only stay if your research results in usable data, but I thought what you’d written had potentially useful applications.”

Gaila looks surprised for a moment and then smiles, “I didn’t think I’d ever be able to do anything with that! I’m so excited,” she says, wiggling around in her seat.

“Holy shit,” Nyota says, “you actually put thought into all this. Don’t look at me like that Kirk, we all know you usually get by by flying by the seat of your pants. Its nice to see you use your head for a change.”

“I mean, he _did_ save a planet fucking around so I feel like we should give him credit where its due,” Gaila says.

“He also had the benefit of extensive prior experience with information on the Nerada and its capabilities. Lets not give Jim _too_ much credit,” Spock says. A hint of worry sits around his mind and Jim get it, he does, because Spock hadn’t been on the same ship has him. Actually, he was on the other side of the planet. Pike had taken the command track students out on something of a field trip when Jim grabbed him and threw him out of his chair. Jim hadn’t even considered Spock until well after he and Scotty had been recovered from the Nerada. Spock hadn’t been impressed that Jim forgot he existed until he was right in front of him again but in his defense his brain was working overtime. But on Spock’s end it’d been rather traumatic, apparently, to hear Jim make peace with his probable death so many times in a matter of a couple hours and that didn’t even touch on the near genocide thing.

So he gets Spock’s reaction. “I’m not exactly looking to repeat any of that,” Jim says mostly for Spock’s benefit. He isn’t, genuinely, on account of that was the most stressful thing he’s ever done and an entire _planet_ was at stake. As it is the planet is unstable and evacuations have been happening for the last several days, leaving a bunch of Vulcans in space with no real place to go until someone either figures out how to stabilize Vulcan or someone figures out where to home the Vulcans. People are working on both, but it leaves a whole population in limbo. Jim didn’t much expect to find himself sad given that he’d never really _liked_ Vulcan but shit, he didn’t exactly want it wiped out either.

The benefit is that the planet is at least stable enough to gather important literature, research, and artifacts to preserve Vulcan culture. Whether to collect samples of flora and fauna are still up in the air at the moment.

Spock looks relieved and frankly Jim is too. In comparison to the only other time he’s been a captain he thinks he’s going to have a pretty boring start to his career.

_Epilogue: 25_

Gaila looks at the strange vine-like plant that they collected off of a planet of Jim’s discovery. Spock has no idea what gave him the impression that he’d have a boring career past his daring rescue of Vulcan when he’s not one known to idle. He’d found the planet though so they’d set a course for it while trying to pick up any communications from the planet. They’d found nothing and when they landed they still found no intelligent species, just an impressive amount of green flora. Since landing they’ve all decided they hate the insects on this planet, but the plants are fascinating.

“What’s up with that thing?” Scotty asks as he walks into their makeshift research area. Spock turns back to the vine, which is now leaning away from Scotty and toward Gaila.

“I don’t think it likes your accent,” Gaila tells him.

“Well that’s rude,” he mumbles.

“It doesn’t appear to like my voice either, but is partial to Jim’s,” Spock says.

Scotty rolls his eyes, “of course it likes the pretty boy,” he says but without malice. “Why’s it doing that?” he asks, gesturing to it inching closer to Gaila.

“We’re unsure why this plant appears to be so… responsive,” Spock says. The response, at least so far, is limited to this plant specifically. Gaila seems to think she can work some sort of body language magic on it and while her research on existing Federation species is coming along well its untested knowledge in a practical setting so Spock has his doubts about her methodologies.

“Have you tried poking it?” Scotty asks, picking up the nearest metal instrument and poking at the vine before Spock of Gaila can warn him against it. He lets out a sharp yell when the plant squirts some type of liquid at him. He jumps out of the way, missing being fired at only barely and it proves to be a good thing when the liquid hits the ground and quickly burns a hole through it.

“What the fuck?” a voice says from down below. Spock only has a half a second of warning that its Jim because he feels Jim’s mind react to the hole above his head. He gives Scotty what he assumes is a frightening look because he takes a quick step away from Spock. He should count himself lucky that the floor was between Jim and that liquid.

“This is why we use _methodologies_ ,” he hisses.

“Can someone explain _why_ there’s a hole in my damn ship, please? That’s an order!” Jim yells up at them.

“Scotty spooked the plant when he poked it,” Gaila tells him, “and Spock is giving him murder looks about it. Don’t worry, just appears to be a self defense thing I’m pretty sure we’re safe if we don’t poke!”

The plant begins to move again, doing some kind of shimmying thing that Spock finds _bizarre_. Gaila looks excited and Spock has no idea why she’s so excited about the presence of an acid spitting vine of some type.

*

Jim looks at the dirt, or more specifically all the circles drawn into the dirt. “Um, what?” he asks Gaila specifically because she seems to think that the vine is more intelligent than its letting on and Nyota looks surprised so he assumes there’s something in the circles.

“Gaila is right about this being an intelligent species. Congrats, Jim. Your attempt at First Contact on this planet was an act of kidnapping,” she tells him, clapping his shoulder as she walks off, clearly pleased with his misstep. He turns to Gaila, hoping that Nyota looks smug because Gaila turned it around somehow. Or he hopes that’s the case because that’s one hell of a fuck up. First he saves a planet, then he goes and kidnaps a species from another planet and holds it hostage on his ship for no reason. Awesome. He’s so fucking _fired_ if he doesn’t figure this out and fast.

“Relax Jim, I explained that to us this little guy looks like our plants and we didn’t know that it was something else. With pictures, so that it didn’t look like I made up a bad excuse because plants to this species are insects,” she says. “The circles are their language! That’s why Nyota was out here, to help me figure it out.”

He lets himself feel a slight bit of relief. “How have you been communicating if you don’t know the language?”

“Oh, the vine understands me fine, I don’t understand it. We’re working on figuring out why that is but if you want to say something go ahead,” Gaila says, gesturing to the vine.

Short of groveling Jim has no idea how the hell he’s supposed to smooth this over. “Jim Kirk,” he tells the vine, feeling rather stupid. “I’m the Captain of the ship we accidentally kidnapped you onto and uh, sorry about that. I don’t make a habit of kidnapping people, I swear,” he says, kicking himself for sounding like a distressed nine year old.

The vine begins to draw in the dirt but it all looks the same to Jim. Thankfully Gaila calls Nyota back to translate. Jim has no idea how she makes anything of it but it must be similar to another language she’s encountered because she’s able to give a rough translation. She sighs, “Vine says you’re pretty,” she says, clearly annoyed.

Jim grins, pleased with himself. “Thank you!”

*

Amanda raises an eyebrow because she can feel Sarek’s emotions through the bond and its not often that he feels mischievous. “Jim sent a letter to New Vulcan three days ago that the Council had a hard time interpreting,” he says.

Meaning whatever he sent he did it in a distinctly _human_ way, which explains why Sarek knows about it as Vulcan’s resident expert on humans. “Did he use some human colloquial term that threw them off?” she asks, raising an eyebrow.

Sarek shakes his head, “no, he did one better. It appears that Jim has made first contact with an unknown planet,” he says and Amanda’s jaw drops.

“Oh my god, seriously?” she asks. They aren’t even a year into the five year voyage and he found a planet. Of course he did, its Jim Kirk, but he manages to surprise even her sometimes.

“Yes. The planet is particularly unusual in its inhabitants, I am told, so Jim requested Vulcan help in researching the planet. With permission from its residents, of course.”

He managed to get on their good side _that_ fast? “I don’t know how that boy manages,” she says, shaking her head. And she thought he’d never accomplish something more impressive than managing to ride I-Chaya once. It’d been so strange and unprecedented that Amanda, for the second time in their marriage, saw Sarek express genuine emotion freely on his face. The first time was their wedding day, and the second time was when he nearly lost it when he’d spotted Jim on the sehlat.

“Neither do I,” Sarek says, mischievous glint to his eye back in place. “But Vulcans were not equipped to handle a request for, to quote Jim, ‘approximately seventy Vulcans,’” he says, an amused lilt to his words.

Amanda snorts and starts laughing at the thought of a bunch of Vulcans trying to figure out how to quantify ‘approximately’ seventy Vulcans rather than just seventy Vulcans. Or more, if Jim needed them. Or less, should he need less of them. “So you got a call about _that_?” she asks. Its amazing to her what they’ll call Sarek about in relation to humans not that they do it so much now. By now they’ve got a good catalogue of knowledge on how humans speak and act so Sarek isn’t needed quite as often, but its still the strangest of things when he _is_ called.

“They were unsure what type of measurement Jim was using if he wanted an approximate number. I told them his response is a symptom of his humanity and the use of ‘approximately’ was to allow for us to send less Vulcans if we could not spare that many in light of recent events. They were irritated that Jim did not simply state that.” Sarek looks amused the way he always does when someone misreads some human thing he’d figured out forever ago because, for all his Vulcan calm, he does have something of an obsession with humans. Amanda wishes he had have shared that part of himself with Spock as a child but Sarek had insisted that being raised the Vulcan way would result in less trouble for him later. She’s not sure if that’s true or not, but she does think Spock would have benefitted from knowing that Sarek doesn’t actually have a distaste for human things. She supposes he knows that now and that late is better than never, especially when Sarek managed to develop a good relationship with Jim too.

“I thought they had enough on reading between the lines to figure it out by now,” she says.

Sarek shakes his head, “No, I still get calls frequently. I have stopped telling you about them because I have learned from you what the statements actually mean,” he says. Amanda frowns and Sarek’s lips tip up slightly, “be logical Amanda, how would I have gathered knowledge on how humans speak and act when I have limited experience with them? You were quite helpful in those early days.”

Huh. “And here I thought you were just smart,” she says, hands on her hips.

“I am of adequate intelligence, but I am aware of the limitations of my knowledge and know when to defer to someone who knows more than me,” he tells her, eyes sparkling softly.

And Jim thought for the longest time that he didn’t love her. Not that she can blame him, most humans assume Sarek doesn’t care about her because they don’t know how to read a Vulcan’s body language. Incidentally apparently Vulcans aren’t good at it either, according to Sarek, and Amanda thinks that explains a lot about Vulcans.

She smiles at him, knowing he can feel more than that through the bond anyway. “Looks like you figured it out eventually,” she says, “otherwise Jim would have had some confusing correspondence with New Vulcan.”

“Oh, I suspect they tried to gather what he meant out of Jim first and failed at it. Humans are masters at saying several things without words in a single sentence in a way that Vulcans are not,” Sarek says, shaking his head slightly. Amanda knows that too having experienced the way Vulcans leave plenty unsaid, but not like humans do. Humans often cloak and couch their meanings behind word choice, tone of voice, body language, and personal history in a way Vulcans just don’t do. Vulcans often leave the obvious, at least to them, unspoken and usually it has something to do with how they feel. That and _pon farr_ , which she wishes she knew about sooner than a day before Sarek’s hit. One would think that would come up in a marriage sooner than five years into it but Vulcans are weirdly private about it to the point where any reference to _pon farr_ doesn’t even make it to literature an outworlder has a good chance of getting a hold of.

“You’d think Vulcans have been dealing with humans long enough to have figured out the patterns by now,” she says, shaking her head ruefully.

“They likely would, but humans have a bad habit of changing the way they speak every two or three years and one must keep up to date on popular culture on Earth to continue understanding their references. And then repeat this for every region on the planet,” he points out. The thought of it makes her head hurt and she kind of feels bad for Sarek. She has no idea how he can even _do_ that or if he does it all himself or not. “Its not as difficult as it sounds,” Sarek assures her but she can’t help but give him a confused look.

“Sarek, normal Vulcans apparently can’t even figure out ‘approximately seventy Vulcans,’ give yourself more credit than that. You managed to figure out how an entire _planet_ communicates and then translate it so that your planet understands what they’re saying,” she points out. Even when she’d been on the planet she didn’t know much about culture and language outside of her country and maybe a couple others so its not like _humans_ do that either.

The genuine distress she feels from Sarek is unexpected but he’s quick to explain. “Yes, I am aware of the… _challenges_ Vulcans face when examining human behavior due to our predisposition to write off emotional responses. I was rather hoping Spock would take my position when I am no longer able to fill it as he is an ideal candidate to interpret human behavior with his experience with humans. Unfortunately Spock has decided not unreasonably that he has other plans for his life and I fear whoever will replace me will not know how to properly… _appreciate_ the intricacies of human language and communication.”

The idea of it saddens him, she can feel that and she thinks its sweet. “Sarek, that would never happen,” she says and she can feel his doubt too but she smiles. “Its would be _illogical_ to replace their human expert with someone who is unwilling to do the work to understand them.” She feels his flicker of surprise and then the acknowledgement that she’s right.

“I had not considered that,” he admits, “perhaps because I was too focused on the way no Vulcan I have ever met has ever wanted to understand humans.”

He’s not wrong, Vulcans do have a nasty habit of writing people off but Amanda happens to be better at reading Vulcans than Sarek. Plenty are interested in knowing more but not many are willing to ask. She suspects its because they have no logical reason to ask for more knowledge on humans when the knowledge isn’t necessary or at least that’s her attempt at Vulcan thinking.

“You are likely correct about that,” Sarek tells her. “It amazes me what humans can glean off of each other and other species simply by watching their behaviors.”

The emotion is genuine and Amanda knows he’s tried, on several occasions, to mimic her ability to read Vulcans without success. Body language doesn’t come as naturally to Vulcans as it does to humans probably because Vulcans don’t exhibit body language the way humans do. When they’d first started dating, at least by human terms, Sarek had been entirely confused as to how humans seemed to know who was involved with who when humans didn’t necessarily state their connections to each other. He’d been baffled to learn that human emotions express themselves through their body language too and then spent _months_ pestering her about human behaviors he’d seen and what they meant. Half the time she didn’t know what the hell he was talking about until he pointed out the behavior happening in front of her. Apparently the appreciation for human communication didn’t diminish over the years.

“Sometimes it amazes me too. I can’t _believe_ how many ways Jim found to piss Vulcans off just by watching them react to his actions.” He was an impressive little boy in that way, always managing to find some new way to piss off the adults around him and he was _good_ at it. He didn’t so much to that to adults he liked but that kid could find the fastest way to piss someone off in seconds.

Sarek looks mildly distressed and feels it too. “I remember well, yes.”

*

Spock looks hilariously annoyed given that Jim is hardly about to leave him for some _vines_ but his jealously is cute nonetheless. “I cannot _believe_ you got away with kidnapping because you’re pretty,” he says.

Yeah, turns out this species is horny as hell and Jim can relate so hey, there’s that. And it turns out that humans and Orions happen to be the species this one prefers so lucky them. “Would you have rather I _didn’t_?” Jim asks, amused.

Spock looks even more annoyed. “No,” he mumbles curtly.

“See? Its all good. And tomorrow you get a whole pack of Vulcans to boss around,” he says. They’ve gotten plenty from the tiny planet, but Vulcan has better resources even with the whole unstable planet thing so Jim sent a request. Then he’d had to deal with whatever the hell the Vulcans were confused about, he isn’t even sure _what_ that was, but Sarek sorted it so whatever.

“I am not looking forward to that,” Spock says and Jim feels the unease through the bond.

But its been a long time since Spock was the teenager he was when he’d left Vulcan, they’ve all matured since then. “You’ll be fine Spock, all you’re doing is directing them towards samples mostly.” It should be easy for them to get what they need and go so long as they don’t piss the local vines off. That acid is one hell of a self defense and Jim has warned everyone to be gracious to their hosts.

“It is not my competence I am worried about,” Spock tells him, “but rather if the Vulcans will accept my authority.”

 _Because I’m half human_ is left unsaid but Jim shakes his head. “I doubt that. You’ve been in a leadership position for over a year now, you know how to handle yourself.” He knows how to handle when someone decides to ignore him, Jim means. Namely not that well and with a lot of scolding, but to a Vulcan it would be a proper dressing down so he doesn’t think things will go badly for Spock tomorrow.

When the Vulcans arrive Jim is proven right because he’s late to meet the ship thanks to their ongoing communications with the vines and Spock naturally fills his leadership position until he gets there. “Thanks,” Jim says when he sees Spock, smiling at him.

Spock nods in acknowledgement, “it was not as difficult as I thought it would be,” he says. The happiness doesn’t show on his face but Jim feels it anyway and grins.

“Then I guess I’ll leave you with the Vulcans and figure out what the hell I’m going to do about an entire species having a crush on me,” he says.

“I admire your humble nature, Jim,” Spock says, amusement shining through the bond.

Jim stares at him for a long moment, shocked. “Was that _sarcasm_ , Spock? Did you finally figure out- guys, guys Spock figured out sarcasm!” he says excitedly, grabbing the nearest person to him to tell. It happens to be Bones and he looks mad about it but Spock figured out _sarcasm_!


	4. Deleted Scenes

_18_

Jim watches amused and a little confused as Sarek hovers around Spock. Its not the first time but its been growing in frequency in the last couple weeks and Spock is almost as confused as Jim about it. Hell, if it weren’t _Sarek_ Jim’s first response would have been to assume that Sarek is upset that Spock is leaving soon but since its Sarek he eliminated all the other possibilities first. Now he’s sure he was right from the beginning but its just so _weird_ to see him hover over Spock like that. Amanda has allowed Spock his space and they both agree that she’s the more likely parent to show any kind of emotion about him leaving for Starfleet. Sarek decided to prove them wrong through.

“You will come home, right?” Sarek asks eventually, shifting slightly closer to Spock. His hands are clasped in front of him like he’s nervous and that’s just _weird_. Its even weirder because his face hasn’t changed at _all_.

“Yes,” Spock says, not looking up from the book he’s reading.

“Often?” Sarek asks.

“When time permits it,” Spock tells him.

“Jim will be here,” Sarek says like Spock isn’t aware of their living arrangements. Spock is confused by the mention but Jim snorts.

“Emotional manipulation? Don’t try it, Sarek, you’re terrible at it,” Jim tells him, snickering.

“I don’t understand how stating a fact is supposed to be suggestible,” Spock says.

Jim grins wider, “with humans the purpose would be to use your emotions to draw you closer to a given thing. In this case Sarek was trying to remind you that things you love, me specifically, are here to prompt you to feel compelled to visit more often. Pulling at your heart strings, so to speak. Doesn’t work so well on Vulcans,” Jim says, pleased with his analysis.

Spock frowns, “so theoretically if I were to remind you that I am in Starfleet, it would prompt you to join?” he asks, raising an eyebrow.

Jim squints a little, unsure if he should be offended or amused. Sarek looks mildly distressed about this so he assumes he’s not on board with this idea. “No, that’s not… what that means,” he says.

“Emotional manipulation requires a level of subtlety neither of you are capable of,” Amanda tells them as she enters the room. “And has the downside of the person you’ve manipulated figuring it out and lashing out about it. You know this Sarek,” she says, hands on her hips as she raises an eyebrow.

“Spock is not as familiar with emotional intricacies of humans as I am,” he explains. It doesn’t occur to Jim until that moment that Sarek has to know what that means to have adopted a guilty air about him. Vulcans, Jim knows, don’t understand simple human body language signals like a raised eyebrow that usually indicates the person wants an explanation for a certain action or behavior. Sarek would have had to figure that out and huh, maybe he was wrong about him not caring about Amanda.

He’d have to care enough to learn how she’s communicating in a human way rather than always viewing it through a Vulcan lens. And he learned enough to try to use human techniques himself even if he wasn’t successful at it. Logically, Jim assumes, Sarek probably figured Spock’s lack of familiarity with human communication methods would make him more rather than less susceptible to manipulation or at least that’s how he’d assume Sarek thought it through. Which mostly makes Jim wonder where the precedent for that came from because he’s sure Sarek has some.

“So _that’s_ what Jim was doing all those times he purposefully irritated our teachers into giving him what he wanted,” Spock says, realization going off in his mind.

“That would have been a form of emotional manipulation, yes,” Amanda confirms.

Sarek looks pinched, “a _child_ figured it out,” he mumbles mostly to himself.

“Yeah but I’m human,” Jim points out. “That’s just what we _do_.” He can feel Spock’s piqued interest in this perhaps because it’s the first time he’s ever heard _humans_ come out the superior species. But when it comes to all things emotional they _are_ just because they’re so much more used to navigating them than Vulcans, who mostly just stuff it all down deep and never acknowledge it again unless they’re bonded. Or cover their emotions with logic and fact.

“This is most embarrassing,” Sarek says before fleeing the room. Well, walking out of it swiftly but that’s basically fleeing for a Vulcan.

Jim turns to Amanda, “that might me the funniest thing I’ve ever seen a Vulcan attempt,” he says.

“Well, he hardly has competition,” Amanda says, shaking her head.

“If he would like to express displeasure with my life choices he can just do so,” Spock says.

Amanda gives him a soft look, “he’s not disappointed, he’s just not prepared to not have you around. He’ll get over it eventually.”

“If he misses me he can always spend time with Jim,” Spock says.

He’s dead serious too and thankfully Amanda looks as confused as him. “Honey if you weren’t a Vulcan I would have assumed that was a joke.”

_19_

Jim is fully prepared to drop out, leave Vulcan, and never even _look_ at another Vulcan again, not even Spock, when Sarek finds him. He can’t help the irritated look that he gives the man mostly because he doesn’t have time for this too. He’s got homework out his ears and there’s only so much time in a day and he kind of wonders if his teachers have purposefully given him more work. But no, he knows that’s not true, its just that Vulcans study _that_ much and he’s going to have to get used to it.

“Hello, Jim,” Sarek says, falling into step beside him naturally, like this is something he does all the time.

“Uh, hi. No offense but get to the point, I have so much homework due that I probably don’t even have time to shit today,” he says bluntly.

For once Sarek doesn’t immediately look pinched at his words. “What subjects do you have homework in? I may be of assistance,” he says.

Jim stops in his tracks, confused and more than a little conflicted. Shit, he’s wanted a father figure to help him with his homework for his whole damn life but now that he’s got it he’s realized that maybe those ‘be careful what you wish for’ stories have something to them. “Philosophy is probably the subject I’d need the most help in,” he says hesitantly.

Sarek nods, “I imagine it would be exceptionally difficult for a human to understand the Teachings of Surak in particular,” he says, accurately guessing where his syllabus starts. Yeah, Jim didn’t get it at any point before he got into the VSA and he sure shit doesn’t get it now. If anything he gets it _less_.

“Great, now what is it that you want?” he asks because there’s a reason he’s here, he damn well knows there’s a reason.

Jim can tell Sarek didn’t think he’d catch on but he should know better- using human methods on someone who understands humanity better than he does would logically result in the human figuring it out but he doesn’t say that. “I have miscalculated how much I dislike having Spock so far. Please tell him to come home,” he says.

If Jim were unfamiliar with Vulcans he probably would have told Sarek to stuff it but he is so he knows how hard that must have been for Sarek to spit out so bluntly like that. Its not _logical_ after all. So he sighs, “what makes you think Spock will listen to me?”

“After compiling the data of every memory I have of Spock’s suggestibility I have calculated that he will not listen to me at all, there is a thirty seven percent chance he will listen to Amanda should she ask him to come home, but there is an eight seven percent chance he will listen to you,” Sarek tells him.

Yeah, he’s not telling Spock to do anything with his life but what he wants to do with it, but he still kind of feels bad for Sarek. “He misses you guys too, but doesn’t know the proper protocol for calling home. Just call him however much you want and he’ll probably decide that’s normal,” Jim says to at least give the poor guy _something_.

Sarek considers it, “that is an acceptable compromise, I suppose. What is it about Surak that confuses you?” he asks.

Jim didn’t expect him to make good on the homework help but finds he’s grateful anyway. “I’ll be honest and say I’m so lost that I don’t even know what I don’t know.” Sarek looks like he’s regretting his decision already but Jim plans to milk every bit of homework help he can get out of the man so he can pass this damn class.

_10_

Jim is doing his stupid math homework while Spock reads, cursing his mom for forcing him to live on this stupid planet when Amanda walks in. Spock perks up and Jim sets his pencil down, certain Spock is about to do something more interesting than math. “Mother,” he says, drawing Amanda’s attention. “I have become aware of dogs.”

Jim frowns because he’s the one who told Spock about dogs when he’d asked about customary human pets. “Alright?” Amanda says, as confused as Jim is.

Spock nods like some point he made was acknowledged. “Looking into the statistics of child deaths due to dogs and child deaths due to sehlats dogs are far deadlier,” Spock tells her, nose in the air. Jim resists the urge to push him over about it because its rude, but so is Spock’s condescending tone.

“Spock, you’re a smart little boy. I know that you would have had to consider normal dog behavior versus normal sehlat behavior and you would have drawn the conclusion that the average dog is _much_ less deadly than even the most tame of sehlats,” she tells him.

“You’ve had this argument before!” Jim says, recognizing a too rehearsed response when he hears one. Spock looks confused though so he explains, “humans don’t just like _consider_ stuff like that, comparing animal behavior with animals from other planets. Humans don’t even do that with animals on earth.” He knows this because Bones used to complain no one liked his cat because they expected the cat to act like a dog but Jim is pretty sure no one liked the cat because it was even more grumpy than its owner.

“When further breaking down the data of injuries suffered in attacks from sehlats and dogs sehlats proved to cause less damage even if they’re a less predictable species over all,” Spock says.

Amanda looks vaguely annoyed, “what is your point, Spock?” she asks but she sounds more exhausted than annoyed. Hmm. Jim figures maybe Sarek did a lot of arguing about the sehlat and Amanda got tired of it, that’s usually how people sound when they’re tired of arguing with him anyway.

“Your worry over the sehlat is unwarranted, as the most customary human pet has proven more deadly to children than sehlats,” Spock tells her.

“I don’t think that’s very comforting,” Jim says. “Also, dogs are a lot more fun than sehlats. You can play fetch with them without worrying they’ll eat your face.”

Amanda lets out a soft sigh, “nice to see someone gets it,” she murmurs.

“What is ‘fetch?’” Spock asks.

_23_

Alright, so when he suggested Sarek he thought it was kind of a funny joke, suggesting hiring a Vulcan human expert instead of you know, a _human_ expert. But Starfleet nearly shat about it and then they told Sarek and Jim couldn’t take it back when he was all but vibrating with excitement about it, that would be cruel. Spock has told him twice that his logic in valuing a human opinion on human behaviors is logical as humans have a unique understanding of their behaviors but Jim still kept his mouth shut.

It has made for some interesting reactions among his human classmates though. “ _That_ guy knows stuff about humans?” one of Nyota’s friends asks, looking doubtful.

“That’s the rumor,” Nyota confirms and then looks at Jim for some reason. “Well?” she asks when he doesn’t say anything.

He looks back down at Sarek, who looks over the moon about the opportunity to talk about nothing but humans for the next three hours. “I mean, he knows more than me so,” he shrugs.

“You’ve been on Vulcan since you were seven, come on now. He can’t know more than a human who’s lived on earth,” Nyota says.

Its not like its illogical to think that and Jim wrinkles his nose, irritated that he’s reacted so much like a Vulcan. But then he’s found he’s weirdly Vulcan like in comparison to other humans at least in the way he holds himself and sometimes the way he speaks. Spock thinks its funny, Jim thinks its horrible, and he and Gaila have been working hard to de-Vulcanize their behavior.

“I uh, think he might,” Jim says. “Unless human experts know about _all_ major human cultures and their intricacies.” None that he knows do because in human academia its expected to specialize in something weirdly specific. On Vulcan its expected that scholars become experts in entire _subjects_ , not specific areas of a subject. So basically Jim isn’t actually sure any human expert knows as much as Sarek does despite him being a Vulcan.

“ _That_ guy? He doesn’t even look like he knows what emotions are,” Nyota’s friend says and Jim frowns for a long moment before he realizes not everyone can read Vulcans or Sarek specifically.

“He’s uh, actually about to bounce off the walls in excitement…” he says somewhat hesitantly.

Even Nyota doesn’t look like she believes that. “Jim, do you have eyes?” she asks.

He sighs, “trust me okay, he’s really excited! Give him a chance.”

“You suggested him as a joke,” Nyota points out and Jim winces because he’s _sure_ Sarek is listening in.

“Okay, so I thought a Vulcan human expert was kind of funny but he does actually know a lot about humans. He’s not a _bad_ choice, its just that a Vulcan human expert sounds like something that shouldn’t exist.” He spares a look over to Sarek but he doesn’t look different than he had ten seconds ago and Jim can’t tell if that’s because he hasn’t heard this conversation, if he’s still excited about humans, or if he’s off the hook for suggesting Sarek as a joke.

Sarek proves him right immediately anyway because the first thing he decides to talk about is human curse words and if there’s anything to draw a crowd of over emotional species in its learning how to insult each other correctly. Though Jim could do without the hyper awareness that a lot of human swear words in his part of the world are vulgar names for human body parts because, as Sarek pointed out, humans are deeply uncomfortable with their corporeal forms. Jim didn’t need the hyperawareness that humans are _so_ uncomfortable with their bodies that they’ve made being naked in public illegal unless its in designated areas where nudity is okay either. Like he _knew_ that but he didn’t need to actively consider the implications that humans are super uncomfortable with their own bodies when not in clothing.

Actually by the end of the lecture Jim is kind of confused about human behaviors because listening to a Vulcan explain them they sound just as foreign and alien as everyone _else’s_. “Well, I can’t say I enjoyed that but you weren’t wrong about him being an expert,” Nyota mumbles, probably as uncomfortable with Sarek’s lecture as he is. Spock, on the other hand, is amused from two classrooms over. Jim figures he’s earned that after a lifetime of confronting Spock over every out of place Vulcan behavior he’s ever observed.

_25_

When Sarek had suggested they get a customary familial bond put in place thanks to his being Spock’s t’hy’la Jim didn’t think he’d regret it. Actually, at the time he’d been rather touched given that Sarek hadn’t liked him for the majority of the time that he’d known him. Now though he wishes he had have held off until Spock’s first _pon farr_ after being properly bonded to Spock to have his father in his head. He’s got no god damn idea how the hell Spock puts up with Sarek there all the time and especially not right _now_. Spock tells him that Sarek is only loud in his mind because he has no mental defenses and never tried to block Spock out so he didn’t get practice in that either. Spock felt a little guilty at that but Jim doesn’t blame him, its not like anyone thought Sarek would want a damn mind link between them and even if they did no one could have anticipated Sarek’s anxiety overwhelming Jim’s mind.

Not that anyone would be able to tell that looking at Sarek. He looks as blank as ever, true to his Vulcan calm, but his mind is a god damn mess of worry for Spock and, surprisingly, Jim too. Actually he seems more worried about Jim than Spock and Jim would have thought Spock would find that offensive but he’d pointed out that Jim is far more likely to do something stupid than he is. Jim doesn’t like that he’s right but he is, so _logically_ Sarek would be more concerned for him.

“This is awful,” Jim tells him. They both know what he’s talking about.

“If it makes you feel any better I have been informed that your mind is rather… _bright_ in his head too. He asked me how I learned to block you out but my knowledge of the subject was useless as I found tuning into and out of our bond intuitive in a way he does not.” Yeah, Jim found that too and he didn’t even realize that he sometimes blocked Spock out. Like the time on the Nerada, he’d fully blocked Spock out but Spock hadn’t been able to do the same for him. But that’s nothing like this damn bond with his father that’s _supposed_ to be kind of weak anyway. Weak his ass, Sarek’s anxiety has kept him up late for the last week. He’d like to comfort Sarek and tell them they’ll be fine but they’re headed off on a five year voyage into uncharted stars, Sarek wouldn’t accept the comfort because its illogical to state that uncharted territory isn’t dangerous. So he’s said nothing and hoped like hell that Sarek will calm his shit on his own.

And he used to think Vulcans were emotionless robots. He’d been _wrong_.

“That doesn’t make me feel better,” Jim tells him and then something horrifying occurs to him. “Spock you need to teach me how to block this out _now_ ,” he says, panicked.

“Jim, calm down. What is it?” Spock asks. He gives Sarek a suspicious look from where he stands behind the small fence around the Enterprise. Sarek doesn’t do anything though.

“I can’t go without a sex life! If we do anything now its basically a threesome with your father!” he says, disgusted. The fact that Sarek’s disgust soon follows is even _worse_.

Spock feels the same way. “That was wholly unnecessary to point out,” Spock tells him. “I will teach you meditation techniques later.”

Jim groans because that’ll never work. “I can never fuck again,” he says sadly.

“If it makes you feel better with the way you can feel my father you have also doomed him to a sexless existence,” Spock points out.

“I so didn’t need that mental image of your parents, thanks,” Jim mumbles.

Spock remains silent for a few moments before he speaks, “you _will_ learn those meditation techniques,” he murmurs softly.

Yeah, Jim is sure sexual frustration will eventually prompt him to pick up on meditation but it’s going to take awhile. “Maybe by the time we’ve finished our five years on the Enterprise I’ll have figured it out.” Spock is somewhat horrified by the suggestion but quickly surmises that Jim’s ability to learn meditation techniques will probably take that long.

“You shouldn’t have accepted the offer to bond,” he tells him and Jim starts laughing.

“Yeah, this is the worst but it was touching at the time.”

“This is why Vulcans think with logic and not emotions. Thanks to you we are now forcibly celibate,” Spock mumbles, displeased. There’s an undercurrent of amusement to it and Jim suspects that’s probably because only he can manage to shoot his sex life in the face accidentally and that’s probably fair.

“Well, the good news is that I managed to accidentally distract your father from the fact that he’s not going to see you in person for five years,” Jim says, “so we win some and we lose some.”

“Jim, you know I love you but I am unsure how you always manage to find yourself in these absurd situations.” Yeah, him either but hey. They’ll figure it out, they always do.

By the time they officially get to board Sarek’s anxiety is back full force and Jim once again regrets the whole familial bond thing. Its nice that he’s worried, Jim guesses, but he’d rather only have his own anxiety in his head. The closer Spock inches to the ship the higher Sarek’s anxiety level spikes and Jim is getting a headache. “Spock,” he calls just as Spock is about to turn around to leave. Spock turns to face Sarek amicably while Sarek stands there stock still, face not moving, but a general air of upset around him. “Safe travels,” he says eventually. Spock inclines his head and leaves, leaving Jim baffled about Vulcan behaviors but Sarek has accepted it as fine so he shrugs.

He waves to Sarek mostly, but the rest of the crowd too. Amanda looks proud and so does his mom. He pauses when he finds her in the crowd and smiles, feeling an unexpected stab of sadness leaving her behind. Maybe its because her life long obsession accidentally got solved by him, or maybe its because he’s all she really has left after that, he’s not sure. She doesn’t look upset about him leaving though, she just looks like a proud mother and for that he’s grateful. The hold eye contact for a moment and the smile on Jim’s face is as genuine as it is sad but she’ll figure it out and he’ll keep in contact so eventually he turns, sure that he’s making the right decision for probably the first time in his life minus Spock.

He’s always wanted to explore, and there’s no better place to start then where no one else has gone before.

**Author's Note:**

> [My writing Tumblr](https://tenspencerriedplease.tumblr.com/)


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